Depths

I have spent my entire life telling myself not to cry.

Not to show my emotions.

Because showing them or acknowledging them means they are real.

If they are real I can't ignore them.

I would not be okay.

I cannot hold myself together.

When I show my emotions they all seep through the cracks.

Like water from a flood that cause a dam to break.

Showing emotion would bring my to my knees, and take me to the darkest depths of myself.

I have bottled them up for so long I am not sure I would survive.

I do not think I could recover from that and still be me.

The entirety of who I am would diminish.

I have bottled up everything that I have went through.

I showed to emotion on the outside.

I brushed off my sleeves and went on

I never showed my anxiety or frustration

I never let myself feel anything

And I am paying for it dearly now.

Now if I think too much or too hard

I travel to the depths I have tried so hard to bury

I have been numb for so long I wouldn't know what its like to feel emotion.