My One True Love

I will not give in to the darkness of despair,

but focus instead on gratitude,

opening my heart and soul to life and love.

I live in the present,

enjoy the moment,

and look forward to the future with hope.

Trusting things happen when and as they should.

I come to peace with the way my life is,

and plan for the way I wish it to be

with you, my one true love next to me.

 

God has blessed my life in so many ways.

Yet sometimes I grow impatient

as it feels no matter what I do or how hard I try

true love comes close,

so close I can feel it,

but when I reach out to embrace it and pull it near,

opening my heart to accept it,

letting down the protective walls I’ve built,

laying it out there exposed and vulnerable,

beckoning the love to enter my soul,

it backs away ever so slowly…

Fading…

Until it’s nothing but a shattered dream,

its’ music whisked away in the wind turning into a haunted memory.

 

So I find myself standing naked and cold,

alone,

on top of a mountain overlooking the valley below,

where others who have found true love live.

I see their lights, fires, and houses filled with warmth.

I hear their laughter and sounds of intimate passion as they become one with another.

 

I turn my face up to the heavens,

arms outstretched as a silent sound of pain and sorrow moves through my soul.

Tears fall gently down my cheeks glistening in the moonlight.

I turn around and around

and slowly drop to my knees weeping…

Yet no one hears my cries,

no one comes to comfort me…

So I remain still…

The tears subside and all I can hear are the quiet breaths I take along with the sounds of love and laughter in the distance below.

 

I close my eyes and pray,

asking God to give me strength to carry on,

to help me stand strong on my own.

To one day bring me together with you, my one true love

so I may join those in the valley below.

So that like them I can feel your warmth,

your caring caresses,

taste the sweetness of your lips as they touch mine,

hear your sounds of pleasure,

and feel the gentleness of your hands,

the softness of your skin,

and see the look of love and passion in your eyes.

 

Is this even attainable and realistic or just a dream, an illusion?

Surely I’m worthy and deserving to experience the feelings of true love, even if only for a short time.

Surely my one true love exists.

 

So I silently ask God why he has not brought us together.

What, if anything, do I need to change within myself?

Is it like childbirth where he brings you right to the brink of pain and madness

then gratifies you with new life so that you may truly appreciate and value the gift you have?

I may never know…

 

So I focus instead on gratitude

Opening my heart and soul to life and love.

I live in the present,

enjoy the moment,

and look forward to the future with hope,

trusting things happen when and as they should.

I come to peace with the way my life is,

and plan for the way I wish it to be

with you, my one true love next to me

 

-Shela

 

• Copyright 2016 Shela Allen