Villain

Villains of my heart escape
without guilt
freedom will cost
anxiety will talk residence,
butterflies won't let me keep my
villains caged in
"Sabrina" I wake with thoughts of you.
whole days consumed
It hurts, joyful yet sad tears never come
Only I can feel them
I'm too adventurous for this
careful doesn't suite me well
I soar through mixed emotions for timeless moments
she said "and if you wanna go to heaven, you should fuck me tonight" and I wish I could steel the line...
This is why it's called falling,
your not in control, but I'm not him,
I don't fall alone ... I'm not that guy
remember the first smile I saw
I melt again like it's the firs time
I should live like it's my last day
no.
I said too much, my villain escaped
I don't know how to be reserved
I've spent a lifetime rebelling that
oh this rush it's not supposed to be like this.
where's my clean escape.
fuck I hope I crash land alright
is it okay that I try to enjoy it for the ride that it is,
Or is that selfish self damaging
another villain escaping,
I'm just trying to figure it all out.
So where was I when I didn't get to decide who I ... no I won't say it! It can't.
relentless butterflies, I don't know if I should relish in you or be nauseous by you.
it's kinda fun, it sux...
am I crazy, I almost like the pain.
it's odd,
I judge people for it... now I'm guilty.
the villains continue.
I'd worry about someone if they had as many pictures saved...
I worry about me, but not my intentions, the way I set myself up.
I know nobody's framed me as much as I have.
I'm such the villain ...
oddly the thought of her persists even when I'm fucked up, alcohol, weed, emotions, stress, I have yet to test more.
is it bad that I have no shame in the dirty thoughts?
it's a jailbreak, villains run wild.
oh I wanna be so bad.
is it just lust... shit... there's so much that I could almost pretend that that's all it is.
but alas, I know better.
I wanna fight with her, I wanna know it was my bad, and feel like such an ass, I want her not to be ready to forgive me despite my sincerity... I want makeup sex because of how healing it is.
I want to be so pissed at her about something that doesn't matter, just to know I care so much what she thinks...
I want hours lost bullshiting while cuddling... I want that feeling I get when she can tell I'm pretending to enjoy something because I know she really wants to do it. Fuck, I can't just blame lust, I'm too much of a hopeless romantic for that.

I fall asleep to the thought of her cuddling me
just villains, it's cool nic, their just villains.