Median

I have come to one of those rare times with myself that I know will evacuate me soon

A time where I wish that I could be someone other than who I am

I wish that I could just blow people off like they do to me

I wish that I was unable to see how cruel some people are

There is no answer for why

It is what it is

Some people are children at heart

With others, it is strictly business

I fall somewhere in between

I have never seen in only black and white

Sometimes I am comforted by the sunshine of the day

Other times I long to have eternal night

It does not really change me to go through all of my pain

I still keep thinking that I am a good candidate for love

But, I realize that I am somewhat of a control freak by nature

Like a glove that refuses to let go of the hand

Things never seem to go as planned

It makes me wonder if the plan is actually a jinx

I cannot help what happens after my  brain thinks too long and hard

I cannot change the fact that my spirit is always ready to strike

On guard all the time

Not allowing myself to trust is a horrific crime upon my heart and soul

I wish that there was a happy median for me to discover

I am not human, with all of their assumptive extremes

I am aware that the truth lies in between them somewhere, if there is any truth at all

Patience was once part if a tall tale for me to say that I had

I am still learning how to master things that I may never know

It's best to keep growing rather than closing myself off completely

I am able to be who I am and I want those who are close to me to be the same

I don't want friends who can only be themselves when they are alone

Getting off on the fact that they are getting away with being themselves so discreetly

They are the biggest fucking liars of them all

Sneaky bastards who I cannot stand the sight of

The ones who never can own up to their own shit

I am done with them all

Fuck the games, I quit!

I don't care if I am called a quitter

All their lies

Their secrets

Their schemes

Get stuck in the pipes that are attached to their shitters

They can fool themselves forever

But, I won't let them fool me

I am sick of them glomming on to everyone I love

When I told them to get lost, I meant disappear

Not stick themselves to the pity of the nearest fool

Sometimes I think, maybe, that it's a blessing in disguise

Like two birds killed with one stone

The only other thing that makes any sense is their sick little quest to see to it that I am alone without them

This piss poor treatment must come to an end

It's not karma, because what they are isn't me

If it's what I get for being able to see through the veil, then I'd rather be blind to it all

Foresight has never been a true friend

I'm never going to be anything less than real, even though they believe me when I am pretending

Sometimes I am tempted to take advantage of them 

To start bending their asses toward my will just because I can

But, instead, I go out of my way to find a happy median

Upon which I can gratefully stand....

12/14/2016