innocence

“i love you” they said 

you know i love you, you know id die for you 

but can’t you see I’m bleeding out for you

every drop is crashing like a billion tons on my heart

every brain cell in on fire, all because you left me in dark 

I’m already falling 

i’ve already jumped 

I’m already calling 

calling your name 

from a million miles away 

my confidence hasn't reached my mind 

but I’m feeling fine 

I’m still a kid 

none of the death has hit my head 

but dreading when it sinks in 

all i’ll i have is to just forget 

i’ve been worshipping earthly beings 

that cannot love 

but are still reigning 

God is the only love i know 

all i can do is pray for her 

all i’ll have of her is to just...

just forget 

my life isn’t in my hands i say to myself 

but everything i’ve felt says otherwise 

and every drop feels like a mistake 

or just another lie i fall over 

the vibe 

the vibe she gives me 

like a feeling in my body thats just sitting and seething 

it doesn’t feel like I’m bleeding 

I’m past my bodily being  

everything she does has a string and every feeling i feel has a knife in my heart 

that i can’t take out 

or else i’ll fall apart

i’ll loose my part 

in this game she plays 

or this symphony she composing what she doesn’t realize the song has to end 

i will not defend my point of view 

in this war 

over court dates and manipulating mind of this child’s generation 

i’ve fought for my life 

you can’t take that away 

not in a million years 

never on a sunny day 

your puppet strings can’t even graze my thoughts of control

my brain waves of anti condemnation 

people in suits telling me the people in the white robes make the decisions 

don’t they see this 

my mother has proven her monstrosity 

do not mistake this for a broken hearted love poem 

this is so much more 

a mothers who has left me in a black hole 

so i fought for my life 

all to escape this invisible knife 

she has set upon me to control my life 

theres nothing there i soon realize 

no more than bottles and pills swallowed by her so she may escape her franchise  

thinking everythings normal 

the truth is nasty

it reveals its self when the show begins 

when blood red curtains fall

this is life or death 

you have two choices 

you don’t want to be apart of this show 

be a friend of the truth ?

or let your lies grow ?