Pedestal

Drinking up my atmosphere 

I hear a little birdie chirping somewhere inside my inner ear

This kid that got me, fair and square 

Within two hours of meeting, he took me there

Now, I fucking care about him way too much

Too fast

Too soon

I hope that it wasn't the wrong thing to do

To meet this far into the waning of Mother Moon

Energy is, indeed, all the same

The way that it works is not a game

I don't know why I feel so lame

So foolish

So out of my league 

All I can do is be cautious and, simultaneously, maintain

To take all of his passion with a grain of salt 

To put nobody else at fault but me, myself, and I

I  am not going to put this guy up on a pedestal

He told me he doesnt wanna be put there

But, I think it's a mind game

A trick

A test

Because I didn't hesitate when he wanted to take me there

I wish that I didn't care at all

I wish that I could crawl into a little cavern and hide

But, I really hate being beside myself

So, strike that wish

Reverse it

I'll be there as his friend, his companion but not just as his sideline slut

I won't be used for his benefit, nor for his doubt

I guess that it's possible to be with him without holding on to the connection that can suddenly cause so much woe

Never again will I be some dudes sugar mamma, his punching bag, and certainly not his hoe

I must let go of the anchor that I know can leave me stranded in the middle of the roaring tide

If he can just somehow convince me without speaking a word that he is truly on my side in this war

That he wants to inhabit my island not just haunt the sands of my shore...

12/02/2015