born of nothing

my life story isn’t what you think 

writing to me isn’t what you think 

what i did way back then isn’t what you think 

an anthem spoken but not believed 

of a lifeless life that i manage to reconcile

every step i took from day one was all messed up 

a show for everyone to watch me as i fail at my every screw up

the curtains wide open from my first step 

all for the cards to flip 

my ace vanished and all that lay in front of me 

so deadly 

was a Jack 

lemme give you my back 

lemme give you the knife 

that's already in your hand 

but i wouldn’t know 

not until the first snow

when its too late for the show

pride is not my concern 

i know there’s still good in me that burns 

a fire merely subconsciously surviving yearns 

born from a lover of many 

from a day old 

i already had a man’s heart 

i made him stay 

he tells me i was his most important delay 

smell of cigarettes

depressions moved in his serinettes of wasted love 

he loved my mother 

though she didn’t know what love was 

she still bothered 

and he hovered 

waisting away 

like glass in the sea 

all of his memories 

were lies he made to appease me 

giving me a life full of anything but agony 

my father is everything to me 

he fought the darkness 

but not even the bravest man can save me from the world’s wickedness 

nor the lioness 

beaten and bruised 

condemned by her twisted mind 

pain was the only thing that soothed 

not of her own heart 

but to every kind 

she found love where it wasn’t suppose to be 

tricked by the serpent 

her mind could never flee 

her mind was worn 

and she never knew how to use her heart 

from birth she was torn apart 

and there she stayed 

in her hell for eternity 

when she got a way out 

it was easier to stay 

where nothing ever changed 

because she liked playing with death in his games 

there was a time where the stars made her feel sane 

where the sky and love were in the same lane 

where i mattered to her 

when her promises mattered 

where her anthem was believed 

when i fell asleep

when i felt something 

something that’s not the pain that she hit me with 

or lies choked with rope 

or pills forced with guilt 

or men pulled in by fake hopes 

or love thought as a joke 

or rum mixed with coke

or no sight for her children 

who once loved her 

as she gives no cares to care

or tries to gain our respect 

or even loves us enough to get help to relent 

but i strive for this gift 

i will never lose the hope for my mother 

as long as i believe 

she’s meant for so much more 

you’ll see

my mother's lost 

but i hope she’ll be my mother

maybe once in a shining sea 

these two human beings made me 

i have no faith to go on 

on how to be me 

everything close to me is either scared or leaves 

depression or anxiety 

what happened to being happy ?

what happened to me ?

when i found out my father loved me ?

or when i decided my mother had lost me ?

or when i found out my mother left me ?

in an ocean of grief ?

because she chose those pills over me ?

all i got is sympathy 

a pathetic pacifist with no mechanisms for bloody justice 

blood is all that’s been spilt 

i can remember the way i saw families 

the way i saw the world 

the way i saw my dreams 

who i wanted to be 

all that changed with new dreams 

new feelings 

new families 

new truths 

a different mother than the one who i remembered her being 

a different father than who i remember him being 

she was once so soothing 

but that was even a lie 

he was so sad 

so hurt and mad 

but now he’s kind of rad 

in the close ending of this journey of many 

my prince charming saved me from the evil 

once again, there would be no bad 

from a young age i knew i had a gift 

from a young age i predicted the swift horrors coming 

all based on dreams and feeling 

i couldn’t stop any of it from happening 

all i could do was pray for sympathy 

in the end that’s what i always had 

thoughts hitting me so hard

some with a fist 

some with a pen 

some with the notes swaying off keys 

swaying off strings 

just as i predicted 

my mother’s ring swayed off like a minor chord 

my father’s pen signed quickly

from one piano key to another 

the feeling smothered me to sleep 

the rain pouring its tumult 

like beats on a drum 

as i slowly strum 

my heart away with a hum 

little did i know 

it was all coming 

not far off in the distance

from the steps of a church 

to confessing my love 

to learning love 

to feeling love 

to killing love 

to missing love 

repeat 

all a vast bleak 

heart sinks 

repeat 

self pity 

still pretty 

as i lie with words of truth 

to a life long best friend 

that i knew ill always love 

mistake after another 

i predict my outbreak 

my genuine love and heart break 

give or take 

it all ends with lies and a snake 

just like my mother 

all fake 

my father 

sad and naive 

i convinced myself i was a remake 

the sequel to their mistakes 

that’s what my dreams were for 

predictions 

that i might slip 

that’s ill fall 

the stakes are high 

but the pressures low 

all because they did nothing 

and so am i 

i stand with my arm in the sky 

asking for a sign 

most of my short life 

because every time i do 

i feel peace 

or i lose 

all because my faith becomes loose 

my spirit falls asleep when i see the past 

or i catch new chains 

and my mind goes back to a foregoing 

where words meant nothing and the sea was vast 

a new poem created 

all because my chained turned to dust 

and my past turned to nothing but a testimony 

given to help the melancholy 

the sad souls who can’t fall into dismal 

no deeper then their hole

that's already dug 

the longer my past 

the longer my rope 

the deeper the hole 

the deeper the hope 

all sympathy is given 

don’t loose innocence 

and most of all don’t loose hope 

imagine a world so colorful and radiant 

what would you do if all your pain went away 

who would you be 

would you have good 

a candle on fire 

this world is bad 

but don’t let that stop you 

keep your fire lit 

bigger than a candle 

make it a pit 

your fire is you 

humanity is what we are

im not my mother 

im not my father 

i am myself 

and I aspire to be brighter than the sun itself 

that's all i have 

the strings of a guitar 

mistakes 

a pen and paper 

love 

that's my humanity 

its who i am 

who are you...