anora_aragon

Drunk

I take a shot, and then another,

I am trashed, happy and blushing,

I look at you, my blood is rushing,

my fingers shake, anticipating,

you grin, I laugh, I am intoxicated,

we run away, we are alone,

the sun is shining now,

I am awake, warm and giddy,

I kiss you, my heart is racing,

my eyes close, unbelieving,

you frown, I cry, I am confused,

you run away, I am alone,

I take a shot, and then another

 

 

Comments5

  • SorrowfullyHappy

    sad but things like that happen alot

  • WriteBeLight

    Great job. Very true for some people.

  • Augustus

    This just perfectly describes what drives the addict in us. Well done.

  • Will Hiltz

    I've not read your work before, and I know no more about you than this poem reveals, but what you wrote compelled me to make a few analytic observations that are not meant to be cruel or a put down, but which I post because they may be instructive to you, although not, perhaps, altogether welcome. I'm a bit new here, and don't know how to respond except in this rather public space, which you may resent as well, and for that I do apologize. The moderators are certainly welcome to erase this if they find it unfit for or unbecoming of this site.

    Beneath the obvious play of dramatic emotions in this poem lies the poem's semantic structure, which tells me what it is really about. The poem has 80 words: 2 words, "sun," and "shot" (which is only mentioned twice, 4 times if you count "another") refer to inanimate things external to you. The other person, also external to you, is mentioned only 5 times in 2nd person singular, 2 of those times as an object, and only 3 times as subject. The first person plural, "we," a relational word encompassing you and he, is used only twice. But by contrast to all that, the first person singular, "I" and its possessive, "my" occur a total of 15 times in the poem, representing 18.75% (almost 1/5) of the words in the entire poem - that's a rather unbalanced amount of focus!

    The title here is "Drunk," but the alcohol is merely a bit player by comparison in this unhappy scene, which I think you've captured more accurately than you consciously intended. It is a powerful poem in that way, but powerfully sad. I wish you the best in working your way through that over the years, and while the alcohol is not the main problem, it will certainly get horribly in your way, and is something you would do well to avoid entirely.

    • Will Hiltz

      I'm glad to have filled you with wonder, Damaged, but it's "who" - not "whom," and the same person that made me "the authority" has just now made you "the critic" in your comment. And no, it's not great poem, and she's nineteen - not a kid, and what she's on her way towards is not encouraging to contemplate as I head towards retirement after thirty years as a board certified shrink.

      • Will Hiltz

        LOL you two! LOL!

      • 2 more comments

      • Goldfinch60

        Good write but so sad. I hope all becomes OK.



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