The Hand I've Been Dealt

She gave me a deadline to come up with an answer for what I plan to do next

The truth is, I am really not sure

I haven't been in quite some time

Is anyone?

I feel hexed

This town was simply not built for me

I have known that much ever since this unsolvable little riddle was spun upon my loom

Demonic forces spread and swarm

I cannot remember much at all since the brutal Winter set in except for that I cannot remember ever once feeling the contentment of being completely warm

My heart and mind have been frozen in an embankment of silver ice

I have been very naughty, yes indeed

Because, I fed up with blindly being too humble, too nice

Santa and all his elves would be appalled if they could see how absent-minded I recently became

The Calvary sent in their pitiful soldiers to rob me blind

They must have thought that I am dumb to the game

The same old tired song and dance that I have played upon this chessboard a countless many times before

There eventually comes a blessed time

A point when the body who still has its soul must give up and leave idiots behind them, forcing them to settle their own scores

One guy who came to me hungry with his hands out begging could not even make it through the first hour

I left to go get breakfast for everyone, so he took his chances and headed out the door with my brand new 13oo dollar laptop that was to become my life blood

I am sure he avoided the cameras via the fire escape

This time, no Super Hero in tights and a cape came to my rescue

I am stuck with their guilt wearing upon my own kicking myself in the head for losing my belongings again

Stuck like a kid in the corner

I am afraid of what she will say when I tell her

I fell

I can only move forward and pull myself back up on my own two feet to start over yet again

But, I will never be able to do it here all wrapped up in a bed of lies

I cannot pretend that all of this has been but a dream

I feel awful for trusting

Lousy for caring

Losing touch with my own self-esteem, like any of this is anything new

This is certainly not my first rodeo

My cherry has been popped hundreds of times

I feel like a vagrant, a helpless savage

It was not me who committed these crimes

Here I am now all alone

Back at the beginning

Starting over again

I hope that my next decision will not hurt her because this is not at all what I thought that I would decide

This has nothing to do with my level of respect, my morale, nor my pride

It has nothing to do with her at all

It is a game of poker

This is the hand I've been dealt

I wish that it would be as easy as being made of brown sugar

For then, I would just need to wait until the icicles start dripping downward

To stand underneath them and just melt away...

1/28/2013