The First Time

The first time he came into my home 
He was shy and polite
He called my parents Sir and Ma'am 
He sat up straight and helped clean up
He never swore or made inappropriate jokes

The first night he stayed overnight
He stayed up, restless
He tossed and turned and was always on edge
As if the knife his father cut him with weekly 
Was still stabbing into his back

The first night he actually slept
He had nightmares
He screamed and moaned
As if he was worried no one would hear his pain
The same way no one heard his mother’s

The first time he went to school
He clenched onto my hand for dear life
As if he were slipping away
And the only thing keeping him grounded
Was the energy flowing from my hand through his

The first time he asked for help
Was the quietest he had ever been
As if he had the hand of his brother
Still squeezing the life out of his 5-year-old body

The first time he laughed 
Laughed until milk shot through his nose
And we both fell into the floor
Unable to control our bodies
As if, for those couple seconds,
The memory of his father’s gun
Tearing through the flesh of his mother
And his mother’s body falling 
Lifeless to the ground
Because she was unable to control her body
Had left his mind
Like his soul when he held his dying mother
In his 7-year-old arms

The first time he thanked me without warning
Because he was thankful that my fingers
Slipped as easily into his
As his father’s off the trigger.
As my fingers run through his hair softly
As easily as his brother’s overpowering grip.
As I embrace him in a hug that could last forever
In the same way that he hugged the doctor
Who took care of him while his mother
Was being put in a bag like a piece of trash
Because that is how she was always treated

The first time he said “I love you” 
Was the most scared I had ever seen him
As if he thought three words
Would scare me away
Like his father scared him
With three simple words
Because he knew being rejected
By someone you love 
Is worse than not loving at all

The first time he called me his sister
Is when he truly believed
That he was loved
He had finally learned what a true family feels like.