Lexi-

if only i knew the truth about you, I’ve never seen your face but i have heard your name in his voice, I never talked to you myself. Lexi my only thing I’ve ever wanted to ask you is why didn’t you stay. I think about it now more often then not. when i see his face i think of you. when we make love afterwards i feel disgusted with myself knowing it was probably you he wanted to hold. Why didn’t you stay, a year of me falling for some silly boy wouldn’t have happened. He was with me but was always thinking of you. the secret texts the “don’t worry she’s just a friend”. Made me feel like i was only there for a distraction from you. Five months went by being his women his companion, winter came and i saw the message that he invited you to a christmas party that i ended up going to after you strongly declined and he persistently tried to get you to go with him. He would have never told me if you said yes he would have never let me know that while his girl was at home he was out with another, like everything in this picture was ok. Lexi your killing me, why….why didn’t you just stay with him you knew he had a girl you knew and you still texted back everyday for the yr me and him where together…..you hurt me,  you didn’t know me,and didn’t care. Why didn’t you just stay if you couldn’t let him go and he obviously didn’t want to let you go. Five years lexi this year would have been five that you where together in love maybe even one day get married to each other and have a family. None of this would have happened to me he would have never asked me out, we would have never kissed and i would have never fallen in love. Right now i could have been doing my life the way i was before this all. Drinking a beer,working like a dog,running under the stars, kissing the moon with my eyes, smiling more than i do now. I miss the free spirit i was, i can’t even remember that girl and that makes me sad. I can’t find ways to smile anymore. lexi you know so much about me because he talks to you about me but i know nothing about you. I hate you lexi,I don’t know why i hate you i don’t know you, but lexi you ruined me and you didn’t have to try. He was still talking to you up until he found out there was a person growing inside my womb. Then it felt like by obligation he had to let you go. I didn’t win lexi he will stay with me but he will never love me the way he loved you. You should have stayed, then i wouldn’t have suffered.