The best thing to do

The beat is pumping the party is hot

She blows her nose, she is full of snot

She straightened her hair and make up was applied

Her friends said she looked great, the bastards lied

There are mirrors on ceilings and some on the wall

These ridiculously high heels made her look nice and tall

If only she could actually move and walk somewhere

But too scared of falling over she just couldn’t dare

She just nearly stacked whilst suppressing a cough

The best thing to do would be to just take them off

But how bad would that look there are guys over there

She would rather be noticed for her clothes and her hair

And oh my god now she can feel a sneeze coming on

She goes through her handbag the tissues have all gone!

What does she do use the back of her hand?

If she does there’ll be no getting herself even a one night stand!

The best thing to do is ask her friends for assistance

But alas she can see them boogying on down in the distance

She should have stayed at home under her duvet

And watched a chick flick with her mate Paul who is gay

This is far too much effort to make just to get a snog

From some silly man who’s pissed up and called “Bob”

Or whatever he decides his name is

And pretends he’s a pilot or in the music biz’

Admitting defeat she decides on the “best thing”

She ignores the group of males who are lingering

She needs some tissue and she needs them now

She tries to step forward and lets out a big aaaaawwww

So grabbing shoes in one hand she gets out of this place

Hoping no one can see the snot dribbling down her face

Straight to the bathroom then off home in dismay

Will she wear these shoes again, no effin way