Resignation

I'm resigned to my calmness and ease.
I'm displaced from feeling but not from understanding.
I look coldly at it,
it is passed
and afterwards I am here again.
I know that no one will love me now
except my children.
No one will look at my empty chair and think of me.
No one will wait for the sound of my keys in the door.
Or for my cold side in a warm bed.
No one will welcome me with love.
I relied on her to love me.
To cherish me in my days and nights on earth.
To be my home.
She abandoned me though.
I am abandoned.
That's just how it is.
I am unloved on earth
On the streets and in cafés
In the parks and bookshops
In the bedrooms and halls.
I will not be loved all my days as I need to be loved
Knowing I earned that love
And gave everything of myself to it.
I will not be so loved,
as I will never give again what I have given
It could only be given once.
I will not be loved.
Except by my children,
who are hers.
And will she be loved, so,
except by them?
And by me.
It is passed.
I am me, and I have ease,
I have given everything and I have no shame.
That is enough to say to oneself.
At the end of things.
What will she say though
Who could not love
What was there to love
And forgive the rest.
The god of love is forgiveness
We lovers venerate forgiveness
It exceeds in beauty all things
It is the jewel in the crown of love.
Her crown is fallen
And it's jewel is lost
And so I must hear my own footsteps alone
In the halls of my life.