Dear Mama

TaeMarie93

Dear Mama,

      I made you a promise and I broke it, it actually hurts like hell as I write this. 

Before you died you made me promise you some things and truth be told I broke them. First promise you said was to never gain weight and let myself go so I wouldn't go through everything you went through. Well truth be told a past relationship  and stress got to me and I ate until I felt sane again. I stand in the mirror and just look at myself and see everything you didn't want me to become. I try so hard to fix it and every time I feel like every thing is okay I get pushed back 10 steps further. I know this ain't the life you wanted for me and I'm sorry........ 

      Ya know I ask myself sometimes why...... Why am I even still living.... How the fuck did I even make it this far without shedding a tear or having a mental break down. Being so strong... DAMN IT MOM it's hard !  I look so much like you and it hurts that I couldn't even keep a simple promise to you.

   Before you died you told me that no matter what I do just make sure the kids always come first and to remain strong for them... FUCK!!!!!!!! How can I ? It's tearing me down and breaking me on the inside, I keep trying to think of what you would say but I can't. I want someone to talk to with out them saying be strong or you'll get through. Cause little do they know the thoughts of being next to you sing a sweet melody in my head. 

  Momma I am sorry

 

  • Author: Roxxi (Pseudonym) (Offline Offline)
  • Published: June 22nd, 2017 22:20
  • Comment from author about the poem: I'm crying as I write this because I am hurt. I feel like I failed my mother within so many ways and I don't know where my mind is at because of the fact that it is everywhere.
  • Category: Letter
  • Views: 51
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Comments +

Comments1

  • Gary Edward Geraci

    Painful write TaeMarie. Your babies are better off as you clear this out through your poetry. Take care of yourself and there's always someone to talk with over at NAMI if you're feeling especially low. My prayers for your mother's soul and for you, sister.

    • TaeMarie93

      Thank you so much



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