The light, away fleeting,
sun no more ablazing,
down deep, the monster sleeps;
awaiting.
Tick tock, we hear,
it fades to the wind,
aroused; the monster within;
answering.
Ferocious fangs, bearing down,
eyes like Cinders, glaring;
a swift action, towards you now,
atearing.
Drip drop, drip drop,
you fade, to the wind,
a howl full of ferocity,
accomplished.
It hides behind a mask,
two faces in one,
the Fear within;
awaiting.
Edited by yumnaKay
Rubies to Cinders suggestion by James Michael Schwab
-
Author:
Stephen.Sapaugh (
Offline) - Published: July 5th, 2017 08:57
- Comment from author about the poem: This is about the struggle we all have in regards to temptation when we are tempted to sin.
- Category: Spiritual
- Views: 216
Offline)
Comments9
Ahh i know it only to well.. Temptation. May you find your strength. Be your strength!!
Thank you for the comment Renzi. Did you like the poem? This is in it's 3rd edition, and I am looking to improve it further if possible. Also, what did you think about my recording?
Thanks again for reading/listening.
I certainly enjoyed it. You say you are looking to further improve it - well capitals and commas need sorting but otherwise a great write.
A strong poem describing that feeling perfectly. Like it, especially the last stanza.
Thank you so much Fred for your comment. Did you like the audio recording as well? I will make more of them if people like them, but I need to know if I am wasting my time putting them together?
Did not listen, am more visual than auditory. But that is just me.
1 more comment
Great write
Ah, the two faces of fear. Strong work with a great ending!
Kurt
A fine write S.
Thank you so much for the comment.
Oh, I would not have used 'dog'. I'm not thinking particularly poetically here. I'm just thinking of a dog as man's best friend, as they say. Unless it's some mad dog or something, that can't be tamed of course.
There is a monster within us all, sir. Your use of capitalization and clever prefixes are wonderful.
Thanks for your response! I am glad you enjoyed it.
A Very strong and sturdy write, deeply captivating yet not too complex. Well done I'd love to see more writings.
I was just slightly distracted by your neologism "atearing" but to see how it otherwise fits in with your design of ending each stanza with an "a" word, I could get past it. I applaud the metaphysical allusion to temptation and sin that you strive to create; clearly poetry is a medium for instruction - even if the appeal is toward the subconscious. Nice rhyme and meter. Your casting of a "monster" seemed a bit puerile, unless of course your intended audience are children. If you asked me to grade it I'd give you 7/10.
Thanks for the grade! I appreciate it. It originally was hound I believe or dog.
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