abpoet18

Guide You Home

By Arcassin Burnham


Have you ever met a young mellow kid
That goes with the flow until his dying breath,
Simple minded in a world corrupt and we can't do
Anything about it except accept death,

I know there's more to us.
Greatness grows from the dirt.
The country never seemed so beautiful.
The spirits will guide you home.

There has to be more to us.
Racists and slaughtering.
Some populations so polluted.
The spirits will guide them home.
Real home.

Comments6

  • Renzi

    I myself read this twice. A good write. Very thought provoking.

  • Stephen.Sapaugh

    I'm glad that you are putting pen to paper. However, I think the use of home in this poem is over used, multiple lines fail in the regards of meter and rhyme.

    Lets take for instance the line "Simple minded in a world corrupt we can't do". This line has no inherent meaning. Wouldn't it better be put better like this Ignorant in a world diseased and we can't think
    Anything about it except accept death ?
    Then you have a flow between your last two lines, and it completes a thought.

    The alliteration is really good in certain lines like ...except accept death, Greatness grows.., populations so polluted. However, the poem fails to actually convey full thoughts, and the vocab could use some work.

    If I were to grade this poem I would give it a 5/10. I hope you keep writing, and improve on your flaws. Because, ultimately that is how we all get better. Also, I invite you to critique my poems. I'm glad you are writing poetry, and I think you will do well to keep writing. That is the only way that we improve.

  • burning-embers

    You're right, there HAS TO BE more to us. Sadly, though you and i would reach out, there are so many barriers erected by the blind.

  • Tony36

    Well written and expressed

  • FredPeyer

    Thanks for a great poem. Loved the line "Greatness grows from dirt" a lot.
    There is more to us, it's just that a lot of us haven't realized it yet.

  • Goldfinch60

    Good write, there are many who try to reach out to each other but so many others who try to stop it happening.



To be able to comment and rate this poem, you must be registered. Register here or if you are already registered, login here.