Since first your fire gold-graced my mourning hour,
This deathless dawn, its lustre yet to fade
Breaks peace upon a heart and soul decayed
By rage, and aged by storm and shower;
How your love light gleams with gentle power
And sanctifies a broken soul betrayed;
I raise my lips in praise, my fears allayed,
Each ray, a gifted kiss, redeems the hour.
Yet captive I remain, a mind in chains
Still fettered in a cage; and though your bright beams
Grace the shadows in the cave, still such pains
Embrace and clasp the heart; yet in my dreams
Your dove-descended love melts all the chains
And leads me to the light your fire redeems.
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Author:
davmor73 (
Offline) - Published: July 5th, 2017 10:42
- Comment from author about the poem: To my wife.
- Category: Love
- Views: 31
Offline)
Comments6
such a beautiful tribute, great job!
I really like all of the word choices in this poem, I think you have done a fantastic job. And I think that it is one of the better poems that I have read recently.
The good in the poem resides all over. You have an outstanding usage of punctuation, metaphor, rhyme, and meter.
"The bad your last two lines Your dove-descended love melts all the chains
And leads me to the light your fire redeems." Everything else in the poem follows the metaphor, but these last two lines fall flat. I know you introduced the fire gold face in the first line, however there was no explanation of it. How is fire love relate to doves? I am a bit confused by this? Wouldn't a different animal suit this better? And that last line with ," And leads me to the light your fire redeems." Really confuses me a bit. If he is freeing you how are you lighting his redeeming fire?
The ugly. There is none.
Your poem in all its parts put together is quite solid. I like the imagery, and the metaphors that you employ to get your points across. I hope you continue to write, and If I were to grade this poem I would give it a 7/10. I invite you to come and look at my poem(s), and tell me what you think of them. I always invite critiques.
Thank you for a wonderful poem. Truly enjoyed it.
Very well done. Use of synonyms is a great way to improve a piece of literature. Keep it up.
Stunning write. The last lines ache.
Very good write. Welcome to MPS.
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