No Longer and Not Yet

kbreinich

There is a space between no longer and not yet

Where few desire to reside. 

I have been stuck there for awhile 

Deciding how to dig myself out of this pit of discomfort. 

 

It's not as easy as it looks 

There are roots planted deeper than I ever braved to explore 

I thought if I ignored it long enough 

Maybe, just maybe they would change 

Like I had hoped you would too. 

 

Hope is the birthplace of self-destruction 

It lies in the space between no longer and not yet

It makes you cling to what you wish you could change 

It's a vicious cycle, between trying to forget and wanting to remember 

 

Why did I continue to accept your roses

While ignoring the thorns? 

Why did I stay? 

Why did I let you wound my already battered soul? 

All questions that warrant a response 

 

I guess I just lost my balance.

I was so captivated by the charming house you built for us,

That I neglected to notice all the locked doors. 

 

But this is not love. 

Love should not extinguish the fire 

That burns within you, 

Keeping you alive. 

 

Love does not leave a bouquet of broken promises

A vase filled to the brim with tears

Or a corsage of your shattered dreams 

 

Love should not destroy you. 

 

Love is patient, and forgiving. 

Love is selflessness. 

The want to understand. 

 

I know why it is you walked away. 

I had prayed every day for a good man. 

And unfortunately,

That was not you. 

 

Let's get back to the beginning. 

 

I am a tenant in the space between no longer and not yet. 

I am trying to find my way back

I am not afraid

 

I am building my own house 

Where the floors are made of strength 

The walls are crafted in ambition 

And the roof is a masterpiece of forgiveness. 

I am building myself.

 

My starting point is this unsympathetic area

Amidst two coined phrases of longing

And there is something so beautiful about that. 

 

 

an exert of a book

I'll never be able to write 

  • Author: kbreinich (Offline Offline)
  • Published: July 11th, 2017 23:48
  • Category: Reflection
  • Views: 10
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Comments +

Comments1

  • burning-embers

    Inspirational work this. You just opened up a new sphere of thought in me. Where it will lead me i know not but i thank you. I love your originality here. Let us see more of your outpourings here please.

    • kbreinich

      Thank you so much for your kind words. I was very skeptical at first of sharing anything, being as this is my first piece worth sharing.

      If you don't mind me asking, what sphere of thought has this lead you down? I hope whatever it is brings you some type of peace.

      • burning-embers

        I was immediately inspired by your opening line. Between 'what was' and 'what will be' is 'now'. All we have is 'now' and how it will affect 'what will be'. How the past will colour the future BUT in between is the way we choose to interpret our past.
        Look back in anger or look back and see ones part in play of human nature from which to learn and take positive things away. In my life i am as capable as the next person to knee jerk react. But time has told me to reflect upon my experiences and find another way. I can promise you that you will surprise yourself with how strong the latter will make you.



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