Michael Edwards

WORK IN PROGRESS (1)

 

 

Held tight in grasp of circumstance

Laced with the sweetness of hay

Suspicion wore an old patched coat

For him the cradle never rocked

As flowers plucked too soon

He heard the drip of tears

Time wove its painful tapestries

And as the wings of summer drooped

His presence was unfelt

Touched by chords which played a tune

As swallows in December

He spoke with the tongue of silence

His pulses hammered in his ear

His troubles ploughed and trapped in furrows

And evil leaps with none to wrestle

The hour came when all fulfilled

Blindly fighting presaged impulse

As chalk that moves on slate defines

No answers written on her face

And in the silent flowing water

She floated to eternity

 

Comments6

  • Nicholas Browning

    I can see how this could be formed into a different poem entirely by changing the fundamentals, such as layout or rhyme scheme. Keeping and recycling old material is something I personally don't do. But if it works, it works. Look forward to the next version.

    • Michael Edwards

      Thanks Nicholas - I don\'t work this way all the time but when it comes off it can produce some quite reasonable work - and it\'s fun. All the ideas are already there and you don't have to think about where the next line will come from if that makes sense.

      • Nicholas Browning

        It makes perfect sense friend. I've thought about it before. I typically tend to give myself a title to work with, and then an emotional background or a certain image, and go from there. It works well enough with the style I use, but I can see the merits of your method. Perhaps someday I'll try it.

      • Fay Slimm.

        To empty the mind when a subject is chosen is vital - the wording here will make an excellent finish - great idea to show work in progress Michael.

        • Michael Edwards

          Thanks Fay - already in the second draft some of the ideas have been put to one side and others changed.

        • orchidee

          For me, I hardly seem to re-work much of my stuff! Erm, not cos it's perfect every time! lol. Or is it?! (Go eat humble pie Orchi, getting too big for your boots. heehee).
          But I feel if I re-work them too much, I will end up writing nothing. That's just me!

          • Michael Edwards

            With a well dressed salad and bottle of wine and a slice of humble pie.---------- Now there's another one-liner!!

          • FredPeyer

            Thank you so much Michael for sharing the way you work and develop your writing. We all can learn a lot from this. I cannot wait to see the finished product and then compare it to this first draft.

            • Michael Edwards

              Quite a few lines already discarded - not sure myself where it will end p as yet.

            • Candlewitch

              hello Michael,

              I got the feeling that this was a personification of death...I'm probably wrong... interesting process. and you have the makings for an excellent piece of poetry!

              *hugs, Cat

              • Michael Edwards

                Yes in a way - I'm not that good on Shakespeare but I do recall that Hamlet was in love with Ophelia who ended up drowned so that's where it's heading. I'm not keeping strict to the play but just using it as an inspiration - anyway that's the intention. I've just recalled that Millais painted a wondrous pre-Raphaelite painting of Ophelia so might build an oblique reference to it - I've got a line in mind but haven't woven it in yet.

                • Candlewitch

                  dear Michael,

                  thank you for responding and elaborating...however you work it, 'twill be wonderful!!!

                  *hugs, Cat

                • malubotelho

                  Thanks for sharing your work process. I always wonder how people writes because for me I'm not a writer yet. I write for fun and don't work a lot on it. It comes and I throw it there as it is. I'm excited to read more of you.

                  • Michael Edwards

                    I don't always write this way but I do love it when I do. When I write straight from my head the verse always seems to follow more conventional thinking and is less enigmatic. Anyway thanks so much for your interest - just hope the outcome doesn't disappoint.



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