Held tight in grasp of circumstance
Laced with the sweetness of hay
Suspicion wore an old patched coat
For him the cradle never rocked
As flowers plucked too soon
He heard the drip of tears
Time wove its painful tapestries
And as the wings of summer drooped
His presence was unfelt
Touched by chords which played a tune
As swallows in December
He spoke with the tongue of silence
His pulses hammered in his ear
His troubles ploughed and trapped in furrows
And evil leaps with none to wrestle
The hour came when all fulfilled
Blindly fighting presaged impulse
As chalk that moves on slate defines
No answers written on her face
And in the silent flowing water
She floated to eternity
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Author:
Michael Edwards (
Offline) - Published: July 15th, 2017 00:02
- Comment from author about the poem: I promised burning-ember that I would post a poem in its raw stages to show one of the ways in which I develop a new work. In essence I have a vague idea (in this case very loosely on Ophelia from Hamlet) and just empty my mind of ideas which are or could be related to to it. These 'ideas' are usually more to do with word play and association and follow no particular pattern - some will be used others discarded. Often the discarded will form the basis of a one-liner, a couplet or a tercet, others are kept for future use if the opportunity arises. This posting is the first stage where ideas are simply gathered - I have already developed the next stage which is to assemble them into a poetic pattern - I'll post this tomorrow. I haven't completed the third stage which is to polish it all into the final poem so I'm putting my head on the block but hopefully i'll make something of it all and post that on Monday.
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- Views: 53
Offline)
Comments5
I can see how this could be formed into a different poem entirely by changing the fundamentals, such as layout or rhyme scheme. Keeping and recycling old material is something I personally don't do. But if it works, it works. Look forward to the next version.
Thanks Nicholas - I don\'t work this way all the time but when it comes off it can produce some quite reasonable work - and it\'s fun. All the ideas are already there and you don't have to think about where the next line will come from if that makes sense.
It makes perfect sense friend. I've thought about it before. I typically tend to give myself a title to work with, and then an emotional background or a certain image, and go from there. It works well enough with the style I use, but I can see the merits of your method. Perhaps someday I'll try it.
To empty the mind when a subject is chosen is vital - the wording here will make an excellent finish - great idea to show work in progress Michael.
Thanks Fay - already in the second draft some of the ideas have been put to one side and others changed.
For me, I hardly seem to re-work much of my stuff! Erm, not cos it's perfect every time! lol. Or is it?! (Go eat humble pie Orchi, getting too big for your boots. heehee).
But I feel if I re-work them too much, I will end up writing nothing. That's just me!
With a well dressed salad and bottle of wine and a slice of humble pie.---------- Now there's another one-liner!!
Thank you so much Michael for sharing the way you work and develop your writing. We all can learn a lot from this. I cannot wait to see the finished product and then compare it to this first draft.
Quite a few lines already discarded - not sure myself where it will end p as yet.
Thanks for sharing your work process. I always wonder how people writes because for me I'm not a writer yet. I write for fun and don't work a lot on it. It comes and I throw it there as it is. I'm excited to read more of you.
I don't always write this way but I do love it when I do. When I write straight from my head the verse always seems to follow more conventional thinking and is less enigmatic. Anyway thanks so much for your interest - just hope the outcome doesn't disappoint.
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