Yet I smile


  I think the reason I constantly need someone talking with me, giving me the attention I so desperately crave is because I hold onto the feeling of being wanted,

of being needed, until my chest hurts and my mind rejects the thought that someone could actually care. I long to stop feeling empty, it's like in place of my heart there is just a darkness the creeps into my lunges and wraps around my ribs, it threads itself into my bones

until the feeling becomes me, until the feeling is me until I can no longer feel anything else.... yet I smile. I smile because I don't want to burden anyone, i hate acting needy. So I smile and let the numbness take over the pain and the thoughts.

I let my nightmares fade away until my nights are full of blackness and quiet. Until the only things I think about are people and school work. Until I fade away, Until I drown myself in thoughts and feelings, Until the only noise I hear is the highway right outside my window.

And I wait like that For something or someone. I don't know what I'm waiting for. Maybe someone to pick up the pieces of myself I've left behind, maybe for my wounds to heal, maybe for my brain to rewire itself....yet I smile. 

  • Author: Jacinda Kelly (Pseudonym) (Offline Offline)
  • Published: July 17th, 2017 16:23
  • Category: Sad
  • Views: 2014



    WELCOME TO MPS JACEY ~ THANKS FOR YOUR FIRST POEM. We were all Teens once (some of us not too long ago) so we can empathise. We all need to be loved & liked & needed because we are all Human ! The structure of your poem is elegant ~ but its message is sad. I can promise you as you develop and move into Society ~ College & Work & Love etc things do get a whole lot better ! Thinking of you ~ Praying for you ~ BRIAN (UK)

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