Yet I smile

  I think the reason I constantly need someone talking with me, giving me the attention I so desperately crave is because I hold onto the feeling of being wanted,

of being needed, until my chest hurts and my mind rejects the thought that someone could actually care. I long to stop feeling empty, it's like in place of my heart there is just a darkness the creeps into my lunges and wraps around my ribs, it threads itself into my bones

until the feeling becomes me, until the feeling is me until I can no longer feel anything else.... yet I smile. I smile because I don't want to burden anyone, i hate acting needy. So I smile and let the numbness take over the pain and the thoughts.

I let my nightmares fade away until my nights are full of blackness and quiet. Until the only things I think about are people and school work. Until I fade away, Until I drown myself in thoughts and feelings, Until the only noise I hear is the highway right outside my window.

And I wait like that For something or someone. I don't know what I'm waiting for. Maybe someone to pick up the pieces of myself I've left behind, maybe for my wounds to heal, maybe for my brain to rewire itself....yet I smile.