But She Loves Him

Nothing matters expect what I'm told does

If he doesnt say so, then it doesnt matter

If someone asks me to do something, I can't until he says

He yells

I forgot to clean a miniscule thing

The cat box

A thing that barely matter in the eyes of lots

But that doesn't matter to him

I'm a failure

God forbid me show emotion too

I may not speak unless spoken to

My heart shall sink further

Fingers ache to hold a blade again

Arms already twitching

Wishing

To bleed

My lips keep begging my brain to once more continue my plea

But that fight has been long since given up

Sometimes she asks if I'm okay, when my tear stained face cracks another down cast smile while my eyes look away

But I don't believe it

I've begged for help and love too much and been pushed away

She heard what he did and said and she didn't care then

Sometimes I tell them I want to die,

they don't think I mean it

But look in my eye

What do you think?

I must put on my act

Its easier to give in

Strong face

I don't look good

He tells me that people need to think of me better

We're having people over and apparently they're spending time in my room

Its not clean enough

I'm not clean enough

No make up and comfortable clothes - not okay 

I'm not pretty

Hair dyed too much, too fat

Too lazy

My hands shake and no matter how much lipstick I put in on, my lips won't stick up in a smile

I can't keep a smile

I can't feel happy

I close my hand around a brush and put on my pretty face

I hate it

I hate him

I swear

The mirror tells me I might finally be beautiful

If I hide myself

And give a smile

But frown at my Smiling face

It stares back at me, but it's not mine

Mine is lost beneath the pain twisting my gut

This isn't me

It's closer to acceptable

It's not much though

I'm not enough for anything

Never will be

But if I change everything to what he wants may be I can be closer so I keep my fake face

And act to accept their fake love

I fake it like they do

Come home and smile, say my day was alright

Slowly force myself to eat dinner

Act okay

Cause they don't care anyways

He says how dearly he cares

But he's what I fear

I know it's not real but when they pretend to care around others I pretend to

They fake their love so I fake accept

It's fake and it's hell

But Ill love it anyways

For her

Because no matter what he puts me through

It's about her happiness

Not mine

I don't matter