old poetry

love
i find your voice beautiful 
even when you are screaming 
i find your eyes perfection 
when you refuse to look at me 
i am scared to show true emotion 
to someone feels so distant 
every movement you make is beautiful in every way
you all i desire 
i want you to feel the same passion as me 
if you give me the stars 
i will give you the rest of my universe
because nothing in this entire  world 
makes me feel as happy 
and one moment i am falling apart and the next falling in love 
and i pray that 
my future will forever be with you 
because my heart belongs to you 
and whether or not 
you choose to treat it right 
is up to you
and i find it incredible 
that i can look at you for just a second 
and find one million things i love 
and every time i look at you i fall deeper in love 
and i could stay up all night saying all the things i find 
just indescribably beautiful about you
the way my stomach turns when you whisper the word “what?’’
the way when my mind is a storm and i am a complete mess 
you make me calm
you make me feel like the earth is untouchable 
like the horrible things that happen aren’t so bad 
and this feeling you give me confuses me 
because one minute i am scream and the next 
i am completely in love with you 
and i get all too nervous to tell you these things 
so i hope you know i care deeply about you 
and you make me so happy 
so i love you 
and you are my whole universe 
and you better me as a person 
and you make the best of me show 
you are so strong when i am weak
your kisses make me overwhelmed with happiness 
and when my hand is holding yours i feel untouchable
from the temptation of this earth  
the only words i can really say to you 
is i love you 
i love everything about you

crav·ing
i am a complete mess
my thoughts are scattered 
my heart shattered 
my body froze
i needed to think about my safety at that time
i wanted to live 
but sometimes fighting to live 
means not moving 
not physically fighting 
but knowing how to get out without scars too deep to heal
why can’t i get over the balme i have placed on myself 
i know there’s nothing i could of done
but guilt attacks my movements 
breathing is delayed 
eyes water
lungs fill with fog
bricks weigh me down 
life wasn’t suppose to get this rough
Anger 
Anger is attacking me 
i can’t seem to gather emotions 
i am too far gone
am i a waste of emotion
should i end this feeling of pain?
it’s not even pain  at this point 
it’s deeper than surface 
it’s this eternal battle
it’s this lack of control that fears me 
gravity is lacking 
my mind is floating 
wandering to indescribable places
where shall my body take me?
where shall my anger rest?
when shall i find closure 
can i find in someone?
something?
no!?
i have to find closure in myself?
i have to find closure in the mess of myself ?
how can i do that?
find peace in an event 
an event that ripped apart my life 
i can’t get over this