Mother-in-law.

Lacking in natural humanity

remiss of fairness or good

devoid of social graces

across my path this behemeth stood.

A low growl emmanated with menace

as it looked at me from one good eye.

" Try and cross my path." It growled.

" And surely you will die! "

I quivered at it's ugliness

I feared it's menace and hate

but I had to outwit this thing,

it was my destiny, my fate.

Dragging at my courage

through the deepest well of fear

I called in a voice loud enough

to catch it's one good ear.

" What must I do to escape your wrath

what wish can I fulfill?

How can I reach my destiny

and escape your threats to kill? "

It's one good eye glowed with hate

as it hobbled closer to it's gate.

" Turn on your heel spawn of scum! "

It called in a roar.

" And I surely wish I had a gun

because you would spawn, never more! "

With paper courage ready to tear

I held it's  eye in a steady glare.

" Why must we battle for this path? "

I asked, weary of my foe.

" Why can't you just step aside?

and on my way I'll go. "

" NEVER!! " It roared, full of hate.

" will you advance beyond this gate

go back to the sewer from whence you came

and never darken my path again!! "

" It's not your path, neither your gate!"

I replied, quite irate.

" Now step aside and let me pass

before I kick your big fat ****! "

The behemoth opened it's mouth to reply

but the answer didn't come,

instead,  a stronger was voice calling.

" MUM!... MUM!... MUMM!!! "

The effect of that voice

was like salt to a slug

the behemoth in front of me

seemed to shrink like a bug,

it scuttled away out of sight,

and left me alone, in the night.

My wife greeted me with a kiss

and then she held me tight.

" I'm sorry darling. " She whispered.

" But me mum turned up tonight. "