Unbuckling

Abora

8/13/17 9:35 PM

"Follow The Leader" -Foxygen, 2017

 

I've always hated hospitals

The antiseptic wall art

The beeping and booping and whirring

Death, languishing around every corner

The rush of overworked men and women in uniforms

The questioning

 

When I was in high school, I stood on the railing of a bridge by my house

Someone had to tackle me back to earth

That little flirtation with the precipice put me in observation for two nights

The men in white lab coats threatened to send me to a pill filled palace

A palace where they lock up the crazies, or the people who just don't understand any more

 

Since that night and that long day I can't step foot in places of supposed care without my heart racing

I look for the men in white lab coats

They're behind me, waiting to throw me in the loony bin

They know how broken I am, how I want so badly to go back in time

Back when I was one equilibrium push away from the edge

Back when I wasn't driving quite fast enough

Back when I would ride around with one hand on the wheel and the other on the seat belt latch

Just in case I saw a possible end coming

I could let go of the belt and be free

 

The men in white lab coats aren't there

Nobody in these places care beyond a clipboard

Yet when their beeping and booping and whirring

Turns into paddling and charging and calling

I can feel the glare of the men in white lab coats

Who only tried to help me beat my demons

 

Now, I keep one hand on the wheel and the other similarly placed

Burning cigarette after cigarette

My small suicides filling my lungs with tar

Still, I flirt with the precipice

Buying hammock straps to hold me up for the long sleep, and not just for a few nights

 

The men in white lab coats were right

I should have been locked away

I'll keep my small suicides for now

And focus on staying away from the precipice

No matter how attractive that void may be

No matter how sweet that deathly siren song is

No matter how many of my "problems" could be "solved"

I'll just lean on the railing, and light up another

 

  • Author: Big Swifty (Pseudonym) (Offline Offline)
  • Published: September 4th, 2017 15:55
  • Comment from author about the poem: This is a poem about my battle with mental illness and my phobia of hospitals
  • Category: Reflection
  • Views: 27
Get a free collection of Classic Poetry ↓

Receive the ebook in seconds 50 poems from 50 different authors


Comments +

Comments2

  • Mugsdaddy

    Sometimes killing yourself slowly is your worst punishment just make sure you are punishing yourself for you and not someone else cause then it's not punishment your just the boobie prize the brass ring and they don't even have to grab for it they'll just sit back relax and wait for you to fall off into the palm of their hand. Bam! They win and you were just dinner and a movie.

  • myself and me

    I really hope, we know more about human brain, so that all your suffer will go. Keep your hope, one day there will be a solution for it.
    You have my sympathy.
    Very well done.



To be able to comment and rate this poem, you must be registered. Register here or if you are already registered, login here.