8/13/17 9:35 PM
"Follow The Leader" -Foxygen, 2017
I've always hated hospitals
The antiseptic wall art
The beeping and booping and whirring
Death, languishing around every corner
The rush of overworked men and women in uniforms
The questioning
When I was in high school, I stood on the railing of a bridge by my house
Someone had to tackle me back to earth
That little flirtation with the precipice put me in observation for two nights
The men in white lab coats threatened to send me to a pill filled palace
A palace where they lock up the crazies, or the people who just don't understand any more
Since that night and that long day I can't step foot in places of supposed care without my heart racing
I look for the men in white lab coats
They're behind me, waiting to throw me in the loony bin
They know how broken I am, how I want so badly to go back in time
Back when I was one equilibrium push away from the edge
Back when I wasn't driving quite fast enough
Back when I would ride around with one hand on the wheel and the other on the seat belt latch
Just in case I saw a possible end coming
I could let go of the belt and be free
The men in white lab coats aren't there
Nobody in these places care beyond a clipboard
Yet when their beeping and booping and whirring
Turns into paddling and charging and calling
I can feel the glare of the men in white lab coats
Who only tried to help me beat my demons
Now, I keep one hand on the wheel and the other similarly placed
Burning cigarette after cigarette
My small suicides filling my lungs with tar
Still, I flirt with the precipice
Buying hammock straps to hold me up for the long sleep, and not just for a few nights
The men in white lab coats were right
I should have been locked away
I'll keep my small suicides for now
And focus on staying away from the precipice
No matter how attractive that void may be
No matter how sweet that deathly siren song is
No matter how many of my "problems" could be "solved"
I'll just lean on the railing, and light up another
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Author:
Big Swifty (Pseudonym) (
Offline) - Published: September 4th, 2017 15:55
- Comment from author about the poem: This is a poem about my battle with mental illness and my phobia of hospitals
- Category: Reflection
- Views: 27
Offline)
Comments2
Sometimes killing yourself slowly is your worst punishment just make sure you are punishing yourself for you and not someone else cause then it's not punishment your just the boobie prize the brass ring and they don't even have to grab for it they'll just sit back relax and wait for you to fall off into the palm of their hand. Bam! They win and you were just dinner and a movie.
I really hope, we know more about human brain, so that all your suffer will go. Keep your hope, one day there will be a solution for it.
You have my sympathy.
Very well done.
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