All-Points Bulletin
From Police Chief’s desk
Victim: 2013 Ford F150 truck, color: Blue Jeans Metallic
Name of victim: Big Blue
Crime: Assault with dangerous weapon
Location of damage: Windshield (lower passenger side)
Date of incident: Sunday April 28, 2013
Time of Day: Approximately 2:20 P.M.
Location where crime committed: Massachusetts Interstate Route 90 Auburn, Massachusetts
Suspected criminal: Bugsy Malone
Statement of witness in vehicle: “He came out of nowhere and just rammed the windshield. I almost thought I heard laughing just before he hit it. It scared the hell out of me so bad I’m shaking.”
Summary of crime committed: Bugsy knew what he was doing. He saw the truck coming from 50 yards away, put on his crash helmet and flew head on into the victim’s windshield. Bugsy was not found at the scene. He’s suspected to be stumbling around trying to get his helmet off. If cornered he may try to ram you too, he’s still to be considered dangerous and should be handled with extreme caution. This guy’s got a criminal record a mile long with hundreds of insurance claims to his credit.
Chief’s Statement: I want all on duty patrolmen and police cruisers to be on the lookout for this maniac. Let’s get this guy ASAP. Whoever slaps the cuffs on Bugsy and brings him in will get a month off with pay.
That is all.
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Author:
Sharon\'s Poet (Pseudonym) (
Offline) - Published: October 1st, 2017 04:49
- Category: Humor
- Views: 45
Offline)
Comments5
Wow you wrote this so real I am already peering out from my window in fear of this Bugsy maniac and I live in Cornwall U.K. - a great fun read.
Thanks Fay, I did try to write it as similar to a real official Police Report as I could think of. But it is after all for fun, but my windshield did actually get hit that day. Rather than get all angry about it, I decided to write an amusing piece about it. Glad you enjoyed it. ; )
Ah - - what a wise idea to write out your anger by humour my friend - a great lesson for all of us readers. So glad you were not hurt by that windshield hit.
I understand that Bugsy Malone has been caught and has since retired from the windshield impact business. He's now doing community service helping wayward bugs find new homes. I hear he's adjusted well to his new life style. ; )
Ha ha - - so so pleased to hear that !!!
Good write AP.
What? No singing orchi? ; )
Oh yes, in me hymn-poems still. Meoowwoo! Anyone reported a disturbance of the peace, in any police reports? And is it me singing or two cats fighting?! lol
I did hear a report of cats meowing like they'd had way too much wine. You wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you orchi? ; )
Tee hee.
Do you still have the truck , funny that's what I wanted to ask after reading this funny piece
Oh yes, I still have the truck now at over 77,000 miles and 4 1/2 years. I may upload its photograph to my gallery soon. And I also have another write on my truck. Thanks for reading WL. ; )
You should have known, AP, it is ALWAYS bad weather when the Bugsy Malones are flying low!
He came in like a Japanese Zero Kamikaze laughing like a madman for a direct hit. I froze up and couldn't even turn the steering wheel. I was sooo scared Fred. What would you have done?
Good fun write, anger into poetry works well.
I wasn't all that angry, frustrated maybe as the truck was only 2 months old. So my sense of humor took over and and changed my mood on it all. Thanks for reading and your comment. ; )
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