Insouciant Rebellions 10/11/17
What the Sky Sacrificed
The blue, almost transparent sky.
The grass, so different, with its green silkiness
Its rigid lines
Can they touch?
Would they dare?
Could the sky use its fluffy cloud-like hands
And reach out to the stern grass
Touch the greenness of the grass
The bugs eating at it
Eating away
And could the grass touch the sky?
Can it grow so high?
Reaching its maximum size
Reaching out to the wonderful sky
With its bipolar attitude
And difficult emotions
Blue one day
And pale the next
Happily, orange another
And angry red forever
Joined by the moon
And sun
They see
They are the eyes
And the eyes are they
And if the grass
Touched the sky
He risks so much
For they sacrifice their lives
Mere humans survive
But love holds, eternally
Unless a price is paid
Can they touch?
Would they dare?
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Author:
Raven Souci (Pseudonym) (
Offline) - Published: October 11th, 2017 20:10
- Comment from author about the poem: Read and take it however you want
- Category: Love
- Views: 20
- Users favorite of this poem: DeviLove
Offline)
Comments1
There’s a vagueness in your poem that I can’t quite seem to reconcile. What exactly is the sky sacrificing here? I personally find fault in the premise that the reader should define the objective of the poem (read it and take it however you want). You, the poet, are in the drivers seat. Wouldn’t it be artistic of you to want to take us to that clearly defined destination that you have envisioned?
Yes I should, but then again this isn't a well thought through poem. I just put whatever I could type up and published it. I didn't care if it made sense or not. That may seem selfish and it may come out the wrong way, but I'm fine with that.
In your own defense; your spontaneous writing method probably falls within a contemporary “school of writing” poetry that eschews traditional form, the imparting of meaning, and/or any semblance of order for that matter (sign up for the daily e-mail poem at “Poets.org” to get a taste of this; especially poems written by MFA professors in the more liberal New York, universities). I personally expect more out of poetry and am deeply saddened by the dictatorship of relativism that have hijacked our young and precious artists. We could all make a valiant difference with what we choose to put down on pen and paper (excuse my metaphor).
Thank you for being understanding. I admire the way you explained the vagueness of my poem and next time I'll make sure to go deeper with my meaning. This wasn't really a poem that i took a few hours or even days to perfect, but a poem that I thought could be the starter for my portfolio on this website. I don't usually write this style of poetry. I mostly go in depth and try to capture the readers attention to get them thinking about the deeper meaning of my poems.
Thank you for your contribution to the art Raven. To gather your feelings and thoughts into words, verse, form, and then to put it out there for all to see (and critique) is a courageous act. For this I respect and admire you my friend and fellow poet. I look forward to your forthcoming work and welcome to the site!
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