October October,
I don't want to spend you sober,
You’ll appear with the years,
Almost bringing me to tears,
I won't ever see you the same,
But my emotions I must keep tame,
To shelter what's real,
But then I know I'll never heal.

It's nearly a year on,
But to me no time has gone,
It's still crystal clear,
The sounds I heard I still hear,
The darkness I could see,
With my eyes shut tightly,
I want to be rid of this with grace,
But instead the tears roll down my face.

I want to be mad,
Feel angry for the theft of the drive I once had,
Instead I just feel weak,
That I can't handle it and I feel like a freak,
An outsider of my own body and mind,
I just wish to myself I could be kind,
But it is me that's the issue,
Constantly being pathetic and needing a tissue.

I could have done more,
Why I didn't I'm not sure,
I don't know why I froze,
But it wasn't a decision I chose,
That might not seem clear,
But until you're struck with an indescribable fear,
I ask of you to wait,
As I try and find my own clean slate.

Even this poem is a start,
To fix whatever is going on in my head and in my heart,
I should trust in time,
The time it takes to heal this crime,
I want to believe in myself and know Ill be fine,
But my confidence isn't something I can design,
I'll work on it while I work on it all,
And if I'm lucky I'll survive this fall.




  • Bing

    Beautifully put. Art made out of a twisted wreck is the phrase that springs to my mind.

  • Louis Gibbs

    A bravely spoken poem about a terrible experience. Brain! I once dated a girl who had been date-raped, and I saw what an effect it had on her. My heart goes out to girls who have been abused in this insidious way. Kudos for expressing it in this fine poem!

    • braintoquatrain

      Thank you! It's a difficult subject but like you said it really does effect people in ways out of anyone's control!

    • Poems For Food

      Thank you for writing this

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