Autumn leaves

gstoy

 

Biggest fear; growing up.
I see you; you don't see me.
But you hear; you can feel me.

Oh, take me back…
    -     Take you back instead

Through the earth I saw you drift
Like the sands
All at once here and there

Autumn leaves, leave
Circling through the air
Up in the sky; I'll see you leave

Independence,
It's all gone to say
Anger once took it away

I enjoy mine; you wish to have.
Prostrated on your flat
Now you sit there

But I promise
Circling through the air
I'll see you fly away

Like the autumn leaves
Soon you'll leave.

 

 

  • Author: gstoy (Offline Offline)
  • Published: November 3rd, 2017 18:00
  • Comment from author about the poem: I'd like constructive criticism since I'm learning how to write :)
  • Category: Reflection
  • Views: 56
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Comments +

Comments2

  • BRIAN & ANGELA

    WELCOME FRIEND ~ Thanks for your first poem ! Well structured "free verse" and well spaced to facilitate reading ! A poem should be spaced to look like a POEM !
    Modern Poetry does not have to rhyme but it does need rhythm ~ flow. You need to pay a bit more attention to meter (syllable counts etc) to improve the flow ~ OK.
    I loved the content and the analogy between Life & love & Growing up with leaf cycle on a tree ~ and the falling leaves indicating the end of a relationship.
    It happens like that ! MORE PLEASE ~ Yours Brian (UK)
    Please check my poems ~ Thanks B.

    • gstoy

      Thank you so much I appreciate your feedback. I'll try to work on my rythm, I'd love to hear a little more from you (:

    • rrodriguez

      Brian brought some excellent pointers. Keep at it and your poetry will mature. Thsnk you for sharing.



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