the strange affliction of finding solace in sadness

the sweet embrace of sadness encompasses me


like a wave swallowing itself over and over

whispering a throaty roar as i tumble back and forth


the umbrellas and kind eyes of tourists on the sun-warmed sand i once stood slowly slip away


once engaging me with their gazes


now packing their towels into their baskets


their chatter becomes indistinguishable as i'm deafened by the ringing in my ears


i claw at the ocean floor


but nothing


now, all i see is darkness


the salt sends a jolting sting to my eyes


i try to gasp for air, but the current 
slowly takes me


and slowly, i let it


and slowly, i begin to feel the familiar comfort of breathlessness 
in the angry waves that envelope me with safety and detachment


they are the constant


they are what i can count on to always return


here i am again


alone, alone