Never Ending

i know this game too well.

i couldnt say goodbye because i knew it wasnt goodbye.

every time you leave you say goodbye,

but every time you say goodbye...

i always know your going to come back.

its never ending.

i knew it wouldnt last long.

i knew we would say hello again.

its a never ending cycle of goodbyes and hellos.

you told me goodbye a week ago,

you said it was going to be the last time we hear each others voice...

but my curiosity about you was created in a single text...

and you answered.

i knew it.

i knew it wasnt goodbye just quite yet.

 i dont know when goodbye will actually come.

maybe it never will...

but until then we are unconsciously playing this game thats never ending.

its as if it was just our daily routine.

daily routines change over time...

and so has this unwanted goodbyes and welcome back cycles.

its almost like i know whats going to happen.

its almost like a feeling of an expected prediction.

after a while you start to become toxic...

if i talk to you for too long..

it gets dangerous.

you start asking questions i dont want to answer.

you get insecure,

i get disrespected.

you ask for pictures,

i say no.

you try to talk me into it,

i start to get mad.

we start saying shit we dont mean...

and then i start sitting on my bed wishing i ended the conversation.

i start crying in the dark,

wishing i said goodnight sooner.

this is all part of the never ending cycle of our complicated relationship.

when i explain to people,

i have to describe it as a complicated "on and off" friendship.

is this how its going to be?

all i want is to talk and never say goodbye...

can you just make this one request happen?

because every goodbye breaks my heart.

we have known each other for over a year now,

and within this year...

there was a cycle,

a pattern...

a pattern that was created that still lives within us,

a game,

a routine that happens every day.

something was created...

and now we are just used to it...

because we both know...

...its never ending...