Sunday Matinee

Breathe

Look down at my hands

They're shaking but I just ate

Breathe

Open the door, so many people

They're all staring at me

Breathe

Buy the tickets, walk to the arcade

Feeling weightless

So many noises, people staring

Breathe

Smell the popcorn, too strong for my nose

Bright lights, kids screaming muffling my hearing

Breathe

Run to the bathroom, tell myself I'm fine

I'm okay

This is fun

I am fine

Just be fine

Why can't I be fine?

Breathe

Walk to the theater, open the door

Darkness, can't find my bearings

Legs wobbling

Breathe

Look down at my feet, focus

Feel the ground supporting me

The ground is sliding, I'm sliding

Slanting, falling

Breathe

Don't look up, everyone staring

Grab onto the wall, tipping falling

Find the perfect seat, right in the middle

Breathe

Look for the exits, seem so far

What if something happens?

Stare at the screen, too bright

Noises from every direction, people talking, laughing

Phones beeping, clicking

Seats squeaking

Breathe

I can't do this

Screen goes fuzzy, everything hazy

Try to focus

Nothing will focus

Why can't I focus?

Ears ringing, heart racing

Breathe

I am okay

This is okay

This is fun

Breathe

Heart slows down

Heart too slow, blood pressure lowering

Vision blurring

I'm falling

I can't breathe

I'm dying

Breathe

Head weighs heavy on my shoulders

Forcing breath into my lungs

Chest tight

Breathe

I can't do this

Run away

Run out of theater

Burst into tears

Legs wobbling can't walk straight

Another waste of money

Another wasted day

Wishing I was normal

Breathe