Merissa

"What do I do?"

They say look to the future

That you’ll be happy there

But how can I trust

When there’s no one left to care

 

I’ve tried for many years

To hope in something more

What no one understands

Inside me there’s a war

 

I’m tired of all the fighting

I just want it to end

What else can I do

I never seem to blend

 

Make me forget the truth

Take away my past

Maybe I'd be free

If only it would last

 

I don't know what to do

They pull me left and right

What road should I follow

Holding on too tight

 

I try to go one way

The other pulls me back

Perhaps Iḿ just stuck

Always on attack

 

Iḿ lost in whatś real

My mind is a mess

Emotions in turmoil

Wish I was less

 

Holding my breath

Gasping for air

Searching for something

Thatś never there

 

They tell me it’s easy

The choice is right here

But all I see is options

Nothing is clear

 

Sometimes I believe

What they tell me is true

But then I see the other

Just want to be through

 

Why is it so hard

Knowing what to choose

With everything at hand

Should be plenty of clues

 

Fixed on replay

Can’t move on

Going out of my head

Feeling withdrawn

 

Want to make others happy

So I do what they want

Leaving myself behind

My dreams are to haunt

 

Do I have ambitions

That make my heart soar

My life is about people

Me I ignore

 

I don’t know who I am

Can I figure that out

Will that cause problems

I’m filled with such doubt

 

I want to be happy

Live life to the best

But what does that mean

All is a test

 

If I make a choice

It only makes me wrong

Because for one I am good

But the other I don't belong

 

Everyone wants to be accepted

For who they really are

But if you don't even have that

How does one go far

 

One screams follow your heart

The other begs you not to

Because emotions are treacherous

And they'll only hurt you

 

So how do I find

What defines me

When all I know is others

Who try to make me see

 

I'm so confused about life

What is right and wrong

People's ideas differ

So how can I be strong

 

What am I to say

To those who believe in me

I can't even see myself

I'll never be their key

 

They all have expectations

Of who I'm meant to become

I want to make them proud

But it doesn't add to one sum

 

You can't bring joy to all

So what decides that line

Of who deserves more

And who to decline

 

If only I could be myself

But again that doesn't work

Because I still have no clue

It's all just a murk

 

I'm losing my mind

Suffocating under pressure

Where am I to go

When I need a refresher

 

Can't I have a break

From all of this chaos

I'll never be what they want

I'm not worth their loss

 

Maybe it's just me

And I'm the one at fault

If I just made a choice

All of this would halt

 

I need to stop and think

About what I should do

But nothing is working

I have no breakthrough

 

Things are getting worse

I'm falling down a spiral

It seems there is no way

To stop this broken cycle



Comments3

  • OUTBACK

    FORGET ABOUT ANY ( THEM )* CHOICE* IS BORN of EXPERIENCE* = ( THE KNOWN)* so THAT'S NO HELP* - THE GUIDANCE of THE AUTHORITY * & EXPERTISE of OTHERS* = ? FORGET THAT = THAT'S NOTHING BUT THE PRISON of EXPLOITATION & EXTORTIONS ! THINKING ABOUT IT* = NOPE* THAT JUST PAST* MEMORIES* - REMEMBERED* & KEEP ONE HOSTAGE* to THE WORLD* as SO PERCEIVED* ( THE ONLY ABSOLUTE & FACTUAL REALITY* - THERE IS )* = NOPE !

  • OUTBACK

    YOUR TRUE* ( SELF POWER )* RESIDES WITHIN YOUR IMAGINATION* as ALL* OF EXISTENCE* is BASED UPON SUCH* ! IMAGINATION* THE CREATOR* of INFINITE* - REALITIES * ! ( UN IMPOSED )* !

  • Diamond

    Accept yourself for the chaos in your experience. No judgement upon yourself needed. You are doing the best you can at any given point. The you that identifies chaos has the innate clarity of things as well. Hold on to that innate power within you and your sail will take a smoother course.

    • Merissa

      Thanks for the advice.



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