I hurt myself to see if I can still feel, I cut myself to see if I can still heal, to see if God still loves me enough to keep me around, I cut deep enough to pull me back to reality but not enough to say goodbye.
____________________
I don't understand why I'm put through all of this shit, I don't know why people like me have to deal with this shit day and night when happiness is within reach, but it feels like you have to go through Hell first.
____________________
I fall in love with that one and then I'm immediately damned because she doesn't feel the same and I'm the monster for having feelings.
____________________
I fall in love with that one and even though it's a love that goes both ways, I'm still damned.
____________________
I want to pull the trigger, I want to tighten the noose, I want to run the blade down and deep till the crimson tide circles me with hungry vicious sharks circling for my lost soul.
____________________
But I don't, no matter how much pain and suffering and fucking heartache my heart is put through, I fight through it all like a damn soldier.
____________________
I'm tired though, sick and tired of falling in love and hitting the ground like Neo.
____________________
Yeah, I know better, I know love is not what life's all about, I know there's more, but I can feel the age of my soul burning like how I can feel the tip of this blade and the burn of this rope around my neck.
____________________
I just want to be able to make someone happy, I want to be able to say I love you and feel it when they say it back. But I guess my soul is just too damned to settle down and fall in love.
-
Author:
Saint Sinner (
Offline) - Published: January 14th, 2018 00:28
- Comment from author about the poem: This isn't a suicidal note, so calm down if your head went straight to that. I was just feeling down and really lost.. And no matter how much I tried ignoring the urge to write because I'm busy trying to fix a shelf, the thoughts got worse. So, I wrote them out. The reason why I post things like this or like the many other pieces that have no comments, are for those who are afraid to speak up and write how they feel. I'm one of the few to remind people like me that they're not alone.
- Category: Reflection
- Views: 17
Offline)
Comments1
Think we've all felt a little like this at times, your right...it's good to let people know they aren't alone in their thoughts
Thank you.. ☺
To be able to comment and rate this poem, you must be registered. Register here or if you are already registered, login here.