I fell in love

I fell in love the way you fall asleep, 

And talked myself out of it, before you knew I'd dreamed.

The nightmares played over and over again. 

Stuck in my head on an endless loop,

 

I convinced myself you wouldn't want me,

Before I even asked if you did. 

And on my assumptions, wrapped in my anxieties.

I pushed you as far away as a could bare. 

 

Only then did I realise the hell of living without you.

What I missed without you in my life. 

And so slowly, and with more fear than I know how to explain, 

I let you back in. My anxieties, not yet tamed.

 

It was cruel of me to not think of you. 

But I swear that is what I had thought I had done. 

My graphic imagination, that you admire so, 

Makes me believe in the reality of my nightmares. 

 

And I don't want you to forgive me, 

I don't deserve it, I know. 

All I want, is for you to understand. 

I've a;ways loved you, even when I failed to say so.