a two dollar tip on a five dollar beer

1/30/18 10:29PM

The day and night I shaved my beard

Was one filled with tacos

For some strange reason

I took it upon myself to go out

We were there to meet some girls

It was Tuesday

I should’ve known

What do you do?

Nothing, really

Well that’s lovely

I guess we’ll just sit here

And warm up our beers

So that we’ll have to drink more

One’s name was Lizard

Or maybe she just looked like one

The others were Lonnie and Adrian

It sounds like they’re mafiosos

Out to break kneecaps

But I bet even mob guys wouldn’t want to whack them

Even the townies hate the townies

There are families here

After a quick discussion of twerk methods

I had to scream help

So I mouthed an SOS to the dark haired beauty paying her tab

But I guess I was guilty by association

I couldn’t even watch TV

The most classic of distractions

They were showing videos of hunting

And for the first time

I was envious of the buck

The best song I heard all night was I love College

By Asher Roth

They don’t even go to college

Just in it for the drinking

We have a lot in common I guess

Add this place to my list of “never agains”

If this place had better beer I’d be more sad

I’ll miss the bartender who poured me extra whiskey

Is that a double?

Yeah

I’m not sure that’s a double

And then she shushed me

Probably the most inspiring conversation all night

The best part is, I probably could’ve fucked the Lizard girl

If I still had a beard