I've Got To Be Popular

I've got to be popular.

I have to be the best on the team rather than to my best ability

I have to wear those designer jeans that are trending online ,because if I don't, I don't fit in ,and if I

don't fit in then i'm not “popular” ,and heaven forbid I can't have that.

I've got to be popular even though deep down inside me that's not who I really want to be.

We are formed by society

They tell me who I have to be in order to fit in.

They tell me that I have to look strong, that “beauty is pain” and you will pay anything for it; health, money, and your self worth.

Wishing I could wear that pretty sundress that I bought at goodwill since everyone can’t get everything they want ,hoping for a compliment while I roam down the hallway to my daily classes ,but instead getting nothing but glares.

I feel broken within myself, weak and left for the world to determine who I am

I wonder when the day will come when we are not judged by the clothing we wear or the test score written on our math exam better yet I wonder why we can't all just agree to disagree about the little, irrelevant things

I've got to be popular

People don’t understand but still they check in, so they seem kind and likeable, to stay “popular.”

They ask if I'm okay because I'm not smiling and my head is down ,I say I’m fine, just tired, they say get some rest,, but there’s a tired that needs a good nap, and another that needs so much more than that, what they don't understand is I'm not tired because I didn't get enough sleep, I'm tired of trying to be someone I'm not. I'm tired of being a raging sea trapped in a teardrop. I'm tired of being treated like a skeleton, a shell of a person defined only by beauty. I'm tired of being tired but of course I keep trying to fit in because what else do you do when you have to inhabit beauty, when you have to look designer, when you have to stay relevant, when you have to be the girl everyone looks at, when you have to be popular.