I don't know what love is anymore

I don’t know what love is anymore.

How do you know if you love someone,

If you no longer know what love is?

How do you carry on as if everything is normal,

When inside you are falling to bits?

How do you tell them, knowing they will be gone?

Do you never tell them and never be happy,

Just so you can still get to see them anon?

Do you confess your truth and say I think I love you?

Or do you hold your silence, resist temptation, fade and become mute?

I cannot talk to you about the fact that I am,

Just another man who has fallen for your divine beauty;

Because I cannot say anything, apart from damn!

Every time I fail to speak.

I want to be with you for as long as you wish for,

But I cannot even be in your presence, without hurting…

All I want is to be with you and say that I am all yours,

But I cannot even look you in the eye,

And there is no chance of flirting.

I cannot play games and say “Hey, I think you are cute.”

Because I know you are cute, and beautiful too;

But there are more words to say, and I cannot pick one of them.

So I banish you away from me and you hate me again.

This is what I am used to; I don’t know how to be in love.

I run away from you because you could be the book,

That I write about love, the true story, happily ever after,

But I cannot put you through this; I am such a disaster.

All the things that I don’t do, make me fall apart,

And there are so many wounds on my heart, it is covered in scars.

I am terrified of losing you and terrified of being real;

I so desperately need you to be in my life!

But I have no idea how I feel.

You are sure to be going at some point soon,

Because as soon as I find what I am looking for,

It is taken away and the depression consumes.

There is no more light inside this head of mine.

There is misery and pain and sadness; it’s divine!

I am a crumbling building of a pathetic man on his deathbed,

And all that I can think is I would buy you roses of red.

I would shower you in love with everything I have to give,

But I am going to lose you, because you could get another easily,

So why would you want this?

I despise love in all of its glory!

I hate it so much because it buries me.

I wish I could stop and never fall in love again!

But here I am at your feet begging,

Please allow me to be saved.

(C)2018 Aa Harvey. All Rights Reserved.