Envy

I'm only twenty years old,

But my life seems to be flying by.

It's hard to enjoy it,

When I know I could die tomorrow.

 

I saw a girl laughing today,

She was with her friends.

She looked happy and carefree,

I bet she's not afraid to die.

 

But as for me...

It consumes my every thought.

I lie awake till the small hours,

Agonizing over it.

 

I try to slow down,

My perception of time.

I try to make moments,

Last as long as possible.

 

But they always end.

I'm always left feeling,

Like life's slipping through my fingers.

I hate it.

 

Why can't I be like that girl?

Why can't I live without fear and pain?

I want to feel the things she feels,

To forget death, and live.

 

I just don't want my last thought,

To be one of envy.