I. M. I. S. S. Y. O. U.

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I hate it all. 

It gnaws through my mind, 

Enraging everything at fault. 

But “no,” I said. “I’m fine”. 

My irritations. 

They’re eating me day by day. 

Add in the frustrations. 

These hours just wasted away. 

It’s a simple play. 

Then why the contradictions?

Not a single word to say. 

So why bother with conversations?

Sometimes I wonder,

Wonder when I’ll stop caring. 

Caring until it would hurt. 

Hurt from my already pathetic life. 

Such a mindset annoys me. 

Me and my feelings. 

Feelings as if it’s a sin. 

Sin for everything I’ve done.  

Yet again, I am here. 

Wide awake on my bed, with my phone. 

Words I’ve hidden, laced in fear. 

Without another, for me alone.  

Outside, I would smile. 

It’s me, the side you see. 

Inside, there are files. 

Irretrievable, though never empty. 

Useless distractions I get. 

Talking with words not from my head. 

Thinking I can’t wait until I could forget. 

Then again it’s you, and it’s my heart instead.