Its your fault

Loneliness.

A feeling I wish I didn’t know. 

A feeling in the pit of my stomach 

that spreads throughout my body

infecting my brain 

with dark thoughts 

and staining my pillows 

with salty tears.

Loneliness. 

A feeling that you left for me 

as a gift when you walked away 

a feeling as familiar as the empty hallways 

as familiar as my mother’s cries for you 

after you bruise her body 

and smash the plates on our cold wooden floor. 

Loneliness. 

A feeling that doesn’t go away

even after he says I do

even after he kisses me goodnight 

even after he tells me he loves me.

even after I believe him. 

Because loneliness doesn’t care about love 

doesn't care that he tries to fill the hole in my heart

doesnt care that he will never leave me.

Loneliness turns the facts into doubts 

the forehead kisses into tears 

the promises into arguments because Loneliness tells me I should be scared that he’s lying just like you did when you said you would stay and you didn’t. 

Loneliness.

a feeling that doesn’t want to be lonely

so it stays

with me

 always.