Hidden

I showed you my dreams

But concealed my fears

You saw only my smile,

And never my tears.

I kept my true feelings

Hidden away,

I didn’t want to ruin 

Our perfect day.

I lied to you

When I said I was alright 

I wasn’t sleeping soundly

I was up all night.

I was awake worrying 

Over what I don’t know 

But something just didn’t sit right

in my soul.

I felt fear

I’ve never felt before

It’s like my mind

Was waging a war.

I was happy one minute 

And sad the next,

Things I cared about 

I began to care less and less.

These feelings consume me 

They hold on tight,

I know you’re worried 

but I’ve been fighting this battle

all my life.

And I won’t stop fighting 

Till this war ends 

But if in the process I lose my common sense.

I have questions 

That would drive anyone to insanity

How can I sleep soundly 

When I’m not sure of my own reality?

1/12/17