Thoughts

I try so hard to be okay

Trying to find someplace that isn't grey.

I have this empty feeling inside of me,

Something I'm unsure of,

Something that scares me.

One day I'm okay and everything's fine,

But after awhile,

It's back

I'm back to square one.

It's actually not that I don't want to be happy.

It's that constant feeling of being sad and lonely.

Everywhere I go it's following me and I always find myself crying.

I sit and stare at a wall trying to figure out why.

Why I'm acting this way,

Why I'm sad,

I don't really know why

But I know it's there

Eating me up slowly.

I try to fill my heart with happiness

That will wash away all the hatred and sadness.

My world is so dark that I can't find the light

I'm lost trying to find my way out

These thoughts are what haunt me at night

Especially when the lights are all shut

And all these overwhelming emotions I feel all at once start to make me cry.

I think about what everyone will do once I'm gone.

Will they smile

Laugh

Cry

Or feel sorry for my family and I?

I know the old me has gone somewhere.

Somewhere far.

I just don't know how to get there.

But maybe one day we can meet again

And regain my confidence where I learn to love myself once more.