ME

Broken_kingdom

 

It’s so easy to get lost in my mind

I can’t stop searching even when there’s nothing to find

I feel like I should do what I must

But I don’t really know who to trust

 

I thought the voices would disappear

Yet when they do, I seem to lose everything I hold dear

My fears and insecurities float to the top

The screaming in my head won’t stop

 

My feelings are making me sink

And I seem to go deeper every time I think

Why is everyone so cruel

Am I really nothing more than a broken tool

 

I wish there was more I could do

Maye if I told them what I was going through

Every night I wake from a nightmare

I wake and feel someone’s stare

 

Maybe it’s nothing more than a dream

Maybe it’s more than what it may seem

Things I wish to forget now haunt me

I want to forget every bad thing I see

 

I felt fear in my blood

But I knew it had to be done

I’d make the bathroom flood

And it wouldn’t be fun

 

So I took the blade

And I cut deep

Making scars that wouldn’t fade

I waited to fall asleep

 

In those moments I heard a scream and a yell

I remember thinking I’d reached hell

I could hear the banging on the door

I could hear the panic as the blood covered the floor

 

I remember feeling light

I remember wanting to fight

It was my choice, I couldn’t take it back

And at the time it was a well-known fact

 

I remember changing my mind

Feeling so lost and having nothing to find

My mom was mine

And my death would be hard for her to define

 

I wasn’t falling asleep, yet I felt light

I’d given up my strength and stopped the fight

I wondered why as I began to cry

Was I so bad that not even death wanted me?

I guess I was so blind that I couldn’t see

I’ll never be more than I can be

  • Author: Violet♎ (Pseudonym) (Offline Offline)
  • Published: May 17th, 2018 10:12
  • Comment from author about the poem: I attempted suicide before. It didn't work. I'm not sure if I'm happy or sad that it didn't.
  • Category: Sad
  • Views: 18
  • Users favorite of this poem: SLR
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Comments +

Comments1

  • SLR

    Believe it or not, I do know how you feel. I've been there. All I can say is that I knew I couldn't keep trying and hurt my family like that anymore. I decided to just live my life and wait for happiness and contentment to find me. It took a while but it did happen. This is a very heart wrenching post for me. But thank you for posting. Keep writing, that helped too.



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