I thought my identity was rooted in my life experience
I thought my failures and faults defined me as much as my successes
But the reality is that I didnt even have an idea what my true identity was yet
I thought I was a victim all my life
Thinking I’m a good person and yet bad things always flock to me
I thought I was shamed and undesirable because of the sexual abuse I endured in my childhood
Thinking I had to be a slave to multiple sex partners to be loved or desired, when none of them truly loved me
Possessed by my demon of lust
I was empty
My families financial battles and my mom downing bottles
Fighting with her because she couldn’t see her own identity
Growing up too fast I thought I had maturity
I was just really a child with extra responsibility
Then I ran as long and as hard as I could
Wild partying ensued
Finding myself in precarious situations
Still wrapped up in lustful sensations
I couldn’t be a drunk like my mom
But I needed something to mask my pain
So let’s do Lots of ecstasy
Maybe it could free me or at the very least kill me.
Now fast forward
Married with kids
I have a family
But I still have no clue who is the real me
No confidence
Low self esteem
I feel there is nothing that is worthy to redeem
Fights with my spouse
Because we don’t know who we are
Don’t know how to parent
Because my brokenness goes so far
But Jesus was faithful, patient, and kind
He came in at the exact right time
He had been waiting and watching to create an opportunity
And then he gently walked in the door of my heart like a broken house
Abandoned and empty
I would say he set up shop
But he made it his home
He gave me new desires
Hopes to hold on to
He made everything new
Colors were different everything had meaning
He had a purpose for me and he told me I was so important he couldn’t leave me
As a matter of fact he never had
He’s just a perfectly patient Dad
I would say what about this and that part of me
What about the stuff I have done
The lies I have told
And the things I have seen
He said beloved
When I died on the cross
I took all that with me
I killed all those things
You have been washed by my blood
A crimson cleansing
And now here I am
On the brink of understanding
I have a true identity
And it has nothing to do with my old personality
Thank you Jesus for fighting and warring for me
You are my savior and the best part of my new and true identity
-
Author:
blessednloved (
Offline) - Published: May 27th, 2018 23:27
- Comment from author about the poem: Some of my testimony
- Category: Love
- Views: 38
- Users favorite of this poem: ForeverJesus7
Offline)
Comments3
Your piece really know how to touch someone. You have a real gift.
Keep on writing.
Persistence is key
Thank you I really appreciate that. You know how it is though just burdened with the desire to share Jesus’ love however I can! It’s the best problem to have right?
That is a good way to put it. The best problem to have. Although, I would not consider it a problem as much as the best, 'challenge', to have. Still, it is tough, especially not knowing what tomorrow may bring, but that is why we have the Holy Spirit with us to help us. Imagine those without him.
Persistence is key
Yes you are right challenge is a much better word to use
very heartfelt and warm
Thank you W C!
A fine write blessed, from painful experience. Yet blood, which naturally stains, now cleanses through Jesus - that crimson cleansing as you say. Salvation for animals too! - so many required to be killed under the Old Covenant.
And the last two verses get to the heart of things. Some are too busy messing about with 'rites and rituals' and their religion has become 'twee' and quaint. But here is a reality expressed in this poem. Thankfully, many have less painful times in life.
Thank you Orchidee I appreciate it! The beautiful thing is that alll of my circumstances and struggles in life haven’t changed but I am free to be happy and feel blessed now because of the things Jesus has freed me from!
It's great, because of the living relationship we can have, and do have , with Him. Some just play a 'game' of 'going to church', or see it only as a social club. Then it's fairly meaningless.
Yes that is sad but true. If only more people understood there is no thing like when you realize that you can have a personal one on one relationship with him! Thanks for the comments! Hope you have a blessed day!
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