Cleaned, Freed, & sent back to society

I thought my identity was rooted in my life experience

I thought my failures and faults defined me as much as my successes

But the reality is that I didnt even have an idea what my true identity was yet

 

I thought I was a victim all my life

Thinking I’m a good person and yet bad things always flock to me

 

I thought I was shamed and undesirable because of the sexual abuse I endured in my childhood

Thinking I had to be a slave to multiple sex partners to be loved or desired, when none of them truly loved me

Possessed by my demon of lust 

I was empty

 

My families financial battles and my mom downing bottles

Fighting with her because she couldn’t see her own identity

 

Growing up too fast I thought I had maturity

I was just really a child with extra responsibility

 

Then I ran as long and as hard as I could 

Wild partying ensued

Finding myself in precarious situations

Still wrapped up in lustful sensations

 

I couldn’t be a drunk like my mom

But I needed something to mask my pain 

So let’s do Lots of ecstasy

Maybe it could free me or at the very least kill me.

 

Now fast forward 

Married with kids

I have a family

But I still have no clue who is the real me

 

No confidence 

Low self esteem 

I feel there is nothing that is worthy to redeem

 

Fights with my spouse 

Because we don’t know who we are

Don’t know how to parent 

Because my brokenness goes so far

 

But Jesus was faithful, patient, and kind

He came in at the exact right time

He had been waiting and watching to create an opportunity

And then he gently walked in the door of my heart like a broken house

Abandoned and empty

 

I would say he set up shop 

But he made it his home

He gave me new desires

Hopes to hold on to

He made everything new

Colors were different everything had meaning

 

He had a purpose for me and he told me I was so important he couldn’t leave me

As a matter of fact he never had 

He’s just a perfectly patient Dad 

 

I would say what about this and that part of me 

What about the stuff I have done 

The lies I have told

And the things I have seen

 

He said beloved 

When I died on the cross 

I took all that with me 

I killed all those things

You have been washed by my blood 

A crimson cleansing

 

And now here I am 

On the brink of understanding

I have a true identity 

And it has nothing to do with my old personality

Thank you Jesus  for fighting and warring for me

You are my savior and the best part of my new and true identity