tender

a friend asks me

if i changed my name

because i hated

my old one

 

and i tell him that

i used to

because nobody could

pronounce or spell my name

and kids are mean

and they made fun of me

 

i used to hate my name

the way that it felt

foreign even on

my own tongue

 

and there were other names

i thought of going by

raven

ramone

dean

always masculine and so far

from those five letters

that i had been given at birth

 

but i don’t hate my name

it was a beautiful name

even though it was a girl’s name

and no longer fit

who i was becoming

 

i think i almost cried

when telling my friend this

and he held my hand

and i loved him so much then

i thought my heart

would burst

 

because he knew

i didn’t hate my name

i didn’t hate who i was

but i loved my name now

and who i was becoming

so much more

 

and we both knew

who i was

would be so proud of

who i am now