A Letter To My Eating Disorder

Dear eating disorder

I’m writing to tell you 

I don’t think we can that I don’t think we can do this anymore

I learned in therapy that you should cut toxic relationships at the source and this relationship is poison right down to the bones

Dear eating disorder

I know this goodbye is hard on both of us

Your loosing your host

And I’m loosing my identity

But I can’t live in fear any more

Dear eating disorder this isn’t a break up

If it was I’d say let’s still be friends

I can’t even say that

You are sucking the life right out of me 

literally

Dear eating disorder

I want to sit down to eat with out knowing where the bath rooms are first

Dear eating disorder can I have one meal in peace

with out thinking 

with out counting 

With out asking for permission

Dear eating disorder don’t bother to pick up your stuff

I’ll mail it to you

Thinspo and all

Bubble wrapped with a fragile sticker

Dear eating disorder

Please don’t call

It’s hard enough rebuilding myself 

With out nostalgia

Dear eating disorder

I looked in the mirror the other day

And you lied to me

I am beautiful

In side and outside

Dear eating disorder

I am going to learn to love myself

With out you