dusk arising

promise

 

'promise me daddy,
promise you'll come home'
four year old lips
speak of memories
mummys hugs and kisses
tickles and ginger bread men
softness, comfort, love
girly things daddy doesn't do
gone now, missed
lost into that dark shadow
where tears call out
and daddy's hugs
dont bring mummy back
from that shiney box
she went to heaven in
daddy says mummy wanted to
she always wanted to
to come home
to the little girl she loved
the little girl who made her smile
and filled her with joy
made her life into
a new and happy girly place
where she was very very happy
but one night
she couldn't come home
nice doctors were mending her
because she got broken in a car
a devil called drink
was inside a lady driving home
and the devil hurt mummy
but they couldn't fix her
and she can't come home anymore
'i promise you,
my sweet darling baby girl
daddy always comes home
daddy will always come home'

Comments17

  • Poetic Dan

    Not sure where this came from and if this is your own experience. You hit a nerve with this and I thank you for expressing it my friend, helping heal this inner pain. If you have any I that it can reflect back

    • dusk arising

      Hi Dan. Thanks for commenting. Its not a part of my past but was designed to painfully drive home how drink driving wrecks lives. I'm not sure how it spoke to you but if something good or theraputic came thru it pleases me.

    • Heartwriter

      Such a sad write. Daddy stay home!

    • Candlewitch

      ouch...this has me in tears! so very well written!

      *hugs, Cat

      • dusk arising

        Thank you Cat. Sorry to cause tears. It was designed to just that tho. Still too many are lost to us thru drink driving. Its pure fiction by the way.

      • Unsub

        dusk,

        a sad theme but delivered poetically & emotionally.

        Good piece but hard to critique something as powerful as this topic.

        Unsub.

        • dusk arising

          Thanks for reading and appreciate your comment.

        • brooklyn6timesplus

          Drunk driving destroys lives! Great poem penned here dusk arising!

          • dusk arising

            Thank you for reading and your appreciation sir.

          • Laura

            dusk,

            A heart wrenching piece of writing!

            Many tears have been shed in my family for the loss of a life because of a head on collision due to drunk driving! He was 21 years old!

            ~Laura~

            • dusk arising

              I am so sorry to have touched upon your loss with my piece today. I know you will be in support of the message behind my writing here and i humbly thank you for your comments.

            • Reyas

              I’m honestly at loss of words. Its such a sad piece of work but the message behind it is so important. Topic aside, the way you carried out the story was perfect, it really kept me on my toes.

              • dusk arising

                Thank you so much Reyas. I tried to keep this piece in childish language to relax my reader into soft kiddies world whilst delivering an awful punchy message. It is upsetting and sad, but thats how life can be.
                Thank you for commenting.

              • AmandaJade

                So so so beautifully written, reminds me of my uncle who couldn't come home... all the love.

                • dusk arising

                  Thank you for reading and your kind comment. I'm sorry for having reminded you of your loss.

                • DeletedAccount

                  So sad yet such a good poem, I loved it

                  • dusk arising

                    Thank you for commenting, i hope in some way someone may not drink drive tonite..

                  • Jaayx3

                    Amazing write this really spoke to me

                    • dusk arising

                      Thank you, i tried to write an especially touching piece for this message to carry.. Though my words are fiction, somewhere there are little girls with no mum or dad because of drink driving.

                    • Goldfinch60

                      Such an emotive write da, one day we may all learn that drinking and driving is a complete no, no.

                      • dusk arising

                        This is me being political and hitting where it hurts. I strongly avoid drink driving.

                      • 🐤s.zaynab.kamoonpuri🌷😸

                        Oh nooh, such a touching poem written so movingly on behalf of an orphaned kid. So poetic and appealing. Thumbs up.

                        Pleez do write your thoughts/comment under my newest poem too , titled , O human heart"l, I like meeting poem pals to say hi.

                        • dusk arising

                          The message within this piece is about drink driving and how it damages innocent peoples lives. Thank you for reading and commenting.

                          • 🐤s.zaynab.kamoonpuri🌷😸

                            Oh I see, had to reread it, it\'s great and honest and heartwarming that you exposed the harms of drink-driving, I have quite a few poems against the demons drink so I appreciate your perspective and thoughts on it! Do take care.

                          • Edthepoet

                            And you say I cut straight to it.. Wow dusk.. This is so powerful. The subject matter is extremely well handled, these sorts of writes can often become tight rope writes, brilliant work. Again..powerful.

                            • dusk arising

                              Thanks Ed. Here i am on my political soap box and purposely hitting painfully low to make my point of view hurt the reader.
                              Its sickening what drink driving can do to the lives of innocents quite apart from the perp having to live with their conscience thereafter.

                              • dusk arising

                                Thanks Ed. Here i am on my political soap box and purposely hitting painfully low to make my point of view hurt the reader.
                                Its sickening what drink driving can do to the lives of innocents quite apart from the perp having to live with their conscience thereafter.

                              • PoeticPsycho

                                This is really powerful, and can be translated in many ways. I love the way the writing is used in a way that it feels as if the girl is explaining what had happened. Excited to see some more writings from you.

                              • Cindy Christmas

                                This is very touching but a great poem

                              • Neville

                                An emotionally charged poem indeed, made even more so by virtue of the fact it is clearly about a child's significant, tragic and otherwise unexpected loss, furthermore, the impact is accentuated by the narrative appearing to be expressed by the bereaved child's daddy...... Neville

                              • Shayl

                                Drunk driving it does destroy lives and really good/sad poem.



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