Comments received on poems by Jessica Tawney
Mental Illness and Addiction
BRIAN & ANGELA said:
HI JESS ~ I work with Young People in a College (17 ~ 25) and many of them have problems with Life & Love often arising from substance abuse and the consequent addiction . Addiction gambling ~ Porn etc does destroy us in the end ~ so we all have to look for ways out ! The problem is the things and experiences that cause depression and lead to addiction ! We find with Young People counselling and mentoring helps. What are you actively doing to lift yourself out of the slough of despair ? Thinking of you ~ BRIAN
February 23rd, 2018 15:14
BRIAN & ANGELA said:
HI JESS ~ I work with Young People in a College (17 ~ 25) and many of them have problems with Life & Love often arising from substance abuse and the consequent addiction . Addiction gambling ~ Porn etc does destroy us in the end ~ so we all have to look for ways out ! The problem is the things and experiences that cause depression and lead to addiction ! We find with Young People counselling and mentoring helps. What are you actively doing to lift yourself out of the slough of despair ? Thinking of you ~ BRIAN
February 23rd, 2018 15:14
My heart, my soul
GON said:
Hi. First of all, if your life really is going to shit, I do recommend trying to get help for your addictions, as they\'re likely to be determining factors for something like that.
Secondly, I recognize that this poem is more of an emotional spillage than poetry, but there is still lots of room for improvement. Really quickly, it\'s apparent that there is no solid structure to this, which makes it difficult to culminate the attention required to read and understand it. There\'s no rhythm from line to line, which some lines short and others long in a whimsical fashion, there\'s no rhyme scheme other than A times x with x being a whimsical number, and a lot of the rhymes seem forced, which makes a lot of the diction unnecessary, repetitive, and thus boring.
I recommend cutting all unnecessary words, cutting your poem into stanzas of 4 to 6 lines each, trying your best not to say anything twice unless you really really want to emphasize something, and come up with a more captivating rhyme scheme. Finally, don\'t depend on a rhyme to make your poem \"good.\" A rhyme should service the structure, and a poem without rhyme but with dependable good structure can still be a good poem. A poem with a flimsy, whimsical structure with obviously forced rhymes is not good.
Just keep at it and you\'re on the road to something golden, I believe in you!
February 12th, 2018 19:15
GON said:
Hi. First of all, if your life really is going to shit, I do recommend trying to get help for your addictions, as they\'re likely to be determining factors for something like that.
Secondly, I recognize that this poem is more of an emotional spillage than poetry, but there is still lots of room for improvement. Really quickly, it\'s apparent that there is no solid structure to this, which makes it difficult to culminate the attention required to read and understand it. There\'s no rhythm from line to line, which some lines short and others long in a whimsical fashion, there\'s no rhyme scheme other than A times x with x being a whimsical number, and a lot of the rhymes seem forced, which makes a lot of the diction unnecessary, repetitive, and thus boring.
I recommend cutting all unnecessary words, cutting your poem into stanzas of 4 to 6 lines each, trying your best not to say anything twice unless you really really want to emphasize something, and come up with a more captivating rhyme scheme. Finally, don\'t depend on a rhyme to make your poem \"good.\" A rhyme should service the structure, and a poem without rhyme but with dependable good structure can still be a good poem. A poem with a flimsy, whimsical structure with obviously forced rhymes is not good.
Just keep at it and you\'re on the road to something golden, I believe in you!
February 12th, 2018 19:15
My heart, my soul
BRIAN & ANGELA said:
WELCOME JESSICA ~ Thanks for your first and very emotive & personal POEM ! Those of us ~ who have LOVED & LOST (more than once !) can emphasise and the experience is ALL that you say it is ~ and in some ways it is worse than death because most of us (for a plethora of reasons) have to go on LIVING ! I learned something from every failed love affair and my MANTRA (which is easier for a Man ?) is \"Better to have Loved & Lost ~ than never to have Loved at all !\" Thinking of you ~ Yours BRIAN (UK)
February 12th, 2018 19:01
BRIAN & ANGELA said:
WELCOME JESSICA ~ Thanks for your first and very emotive & personal POEM ! Those of us ~ who have LOVED & LOST (more than once !) can emphasise and the experience is ALL that you say it is ~ and in some ways it is worse than death because most of us (for a plethora of reasons) have to go on LIVING ! I learned something from every failed love affair and my MANTRA (which is easier for a Man ?) is \"Better to have Loved & Lost ~ than never to have Loved at all !\" Thinking of you ~ Yours BRIAN (UK)
February 12th, 2018 19:01
