Comments received on poems by SimonW1997
Broken Me
Goldfinch60 said:
Very good emotive write Simon.
What dusk arising has said is very true, your poetry within you is yours and if you try to follow the rules that some lay out you may lose the feelings that you want to write on the page.
Welcome to MPS.
Andy
November 28th, 2020 01:48
Goldfinch60 said:
Very good emotive write Simon.
What dusk arising has said is very true, your poetry within you is yours and if you try to follow the rules that some lay out you may lose the feelings that you want to write on the page.
Welcome to MPS.
Andy
November 28th, 2020 01:48
Broken Me
dusk arising said:
Forget people trying to teach you rules. Rules will only restrict your ability to express yourself. Compare the posts from the so called rule followers to those who write in a more \'free style\' and form your own opinion.
Never lose sight of this.... what you write is you. You are unique. You are on the way to being as good as you can be and don\'t need holding back. You have to potential to be the worlds greatest.
Join in and comment on other peoples posts, it will encourage them to do the same for you.
Welcome.
November 27th, 2020 19:00
dusk arising said:
Forget people trying to teach you rules. Rules will only restrict your ability to express yourself. Compare the posts from the so called rule followers to those who write in a more \'free style\' and form your own opinion.
Never lose sight of this.... what you write is you. You are unique. You are on the way to being as good as you can be and don\'t need holding back. You have to potential to be the worlds greatest.
Join in and comment on other peoples posts, it will encourage them to do the same for you.
Welcome.
November 27th, 2020 19:00
Broken Me
ANGELA & BRIAN said:
Good Evening SIMON ~ Brian here welcome to MPS. It is a proactive site and operates by reading & commenting on each others poetry. Please visit our site ~ Thanks.
A POEM should have a SUBJECT (reflected in the TITLE) which yours does. It should also have a STRUCTURE which makes it easier to Read & Recite. The STRUCTURE consists of RHYME & RHYTHM (syllables) these should be conistent in each verse of the Poem ! Each of your verses are commendable but the each have a different structure ! Lets start with Verse 2. which is *two rhyming couplets* Pattern aa bb and rhyming pattern 7 8 8 10 syllables. I have altered that 8 8 8 10 to make it read & recite better !
You do remember when we met (8)
You\'ll stay wih me. never forget (8)
I look back, when we used to smile (8)
I took you hand and held it for a while (10)
Now lets try & put Verse 1. into the same Rhyme & Rhythm (syllabus) pattern as V 2. ~ OK !
I cried on the day that you lied (8)
I wished on that day, you had died (8)
Repeatedly, cheated inside (8)
So I broke down, divested of my pride (10)
If you recite (out loud) the two verses together (in order) you will see how they do scan and sound like real poem ! Angela & I are performance Poets and do *Poetry Readings* for Seniors. In our opinion POETRY does not have to RHYME but it should always SCAN ~ Have RHYTHM ~ OK
I have revamped Verse 3. But I would like you to have go putting it into *Two Rhyming Couplets* with an 8 8 8 10 syllable ~ *Rhythm Pattern* Post me yours & i*ll post you mine OK !
Beat Wishes ~ Brian & Angela ! !
November 27th, 2020 16:07
ANGELA & BRIAN said:
Good Evening SIMON ~ Brian here welcome to MPS. It is a proactive site and operates by reading & commenting on each others poetry. Please visit our site ~ Thanks.
A POEM should have a SUBJECT (reflected in the TITLE) which yours does. It should also have a STRUCTURE which makes it easier to Read & Recite. The STRUCTURE consists of RHYME & RHYTHM (syllables) these should be conistent in each verse of the Poem ! Each of your verses are commendable but the each have a different structure ! Lets start with Verse 2. which is *two rhyming couplets* Pattern aa bb and rhyming pattern 7 8 8 10 syllables. I have altered that 8 8 8 10 to make it read & recite better !
You do remember when we met (8)
You\'ll stay wih me. never forget (8)
I look back, when we used to smile (8)
I took you hand and held it for a while (10)
Now lets try & put Verse 1. into the same Rhyme & Rhythm (syllabus) pattern as V 2. ~ OK !
I cried on the day that you lied (8)
I wished on that day, you had died (8)
Repeatedly, cheated inside (8)
So I broke down, divested of my pride (10)
If you recite (out loud) the two verses together (in order) you will see how they do scan and sound like real poem ! Angela & I are performance Poets and do *Poetry Readings* for Seniors. In our opinion POETRY does not have to RHYME but it should always SCAN ~ Have RHYTHM ~ OK
I have revamped Verse 3. But I would like you to have go putting it into *Two Rhyming Couplets* with an 8 8 8 10 syllable ~ *Rhythm Pattern* Post me yours & i*ll post you mine OK !
Beat Wishes ~ Brian & Angela ! !
November 27th, 2020 16:07
