Comments received on poems by anxiousandartsy
Racing Thoughts
lysistrata said:
Looking forward to your series....You made a very good start.
Can I suggest a couple of tiny changes??
MY VERSION:
"Racing Thoughts run me down
without my heavy head ever touching the ground.
Racing Thoughts forgot my iron shoes
before they decided to run me through."
And something else:
Is it "take a tole on me" or " take a toll on me"?
I am unsure?! Thanks & Don't be Anxious!
June 2nd, 2016 09:01
lysistrata said:
Looking forward to your series....You made a very good start.
Can I suggest a couple of tiny changes??
MY VERSION:
"Racing Thoughts run me down
without my heavy head ever touching the ground.
Racing Thoughts forgot my iron shoes
before they decided to run me through."
And something else:
Is it "take a tole on me" or " take a toll on me"?
I am unsure?! Thanks & Don't be Anxious!
June 2nd, 2016 09:01
Racing Thoughts
BRIAN & ANGELA said:
WELCOME FRIEND - A very interesting first poem - and it's always useful to have an explanation and promise of more on the same topic. I like the structure - modern with free rhyme. The repetition of the title "Racing Thought" within the poem (five times !) reinforces the message and add poignancy. Anxiety is a difficult experience and a challenging topic for a series of poems. However it is something we all share from time to time. Thanks for caring and sharing - BRIAN
June 2nd, 2016 02:53
BRIAN & ANGELA said:
WELCOME FRIEND - A very interesting first poem - and it's always useful to have an explanation and promise of more on the same topic. I like the structure - modern with free rhyme. The repetition of the title "Racing Thought" within the poem (five times !) reinforces the message and add poignancy. Anxiety is a difficult experience and a challenging topic for a series of poems. However it is something we all share from time to time. Thanks for caring and sharing - BRIAN
June 2nd, 2016 02:53
